My one year old hurt his wrist, and the first thing I thought of before taking him to the emergency room was "I hope this isn't enough to get DHS involved." (Department of Human Services...social workers)
He fell off my bed this morning before Mass. No big deal, just misjudged where the edge was and plopped right off onto his back. He cried, I held him. He was fine. Then he started whimpering during Mass. When we got home, he tried to crawl and his arm gave way from the pain. His wrist was swollen and red. He just laid there and sobbed.
Should I take him to the ER? Should I call our family doctor? Was I overreacting? I have a history of that, you know. But it was the ER that scared me. I one took #4 to the ER, only to decide once I was in the waiting area, that I had completely overreacted and I was going home. No dice. The doctor told me that if I walked out the door he would call Child Protective Services and they would meet me at my front door to take her away, and that I would probably lose my other children as well. He admitted us to the local children's hospital on a 72 hour watch, they did a spinal tap, and put her on an IV. None of which was needed it turned out, because at the end of our enforced 3 days in the hospital, the doctor told me "I think you were right. You just overreacted."
I don't go to the ER for just anything anymore. They have to have a limb hanging by a thread, or be on fire, or something even more serious before I admit these people to take a peek inside my family. It makes me nervous. I could lose my children over something as simple as a sprained wrist on a one year old and a doctor who doesn't like big families, or thinks I'm rude, or is having a bad day.
It's a sad day in America when you have to consider whether or not you will lose your children when assessing how much help they need. Is he in enough pain for me to risk it? When the pain of your child has to be weighed against the risk to your family, I think medicine has failed us.
This is the problem with the nanny state which is popping up around us. When adults are no longer considered to be capable of making decisions, parents are the enemy, and children belong to the "village which is raising them", when we are all considered to be incapable of thinking for ourselves, that is past the point at which a system has become abusive and needs to be reformed. Doctors and nurses are not social workers and should not be put into the position of constant suspicion.
That's my rant for today. My child's pain should be bigger than someone else's political agenda. It's not. Therefore, I called our general practitioner who told me to wrap it and bring him in first thing in the morning. He said, "I'm sure it's fine, but we'll check it in the office tomorrow. My big concern is that an injured wrist in a one year old would set off child abuse alarms in the minds of the people who would look at him. If it seems worse, call me and I'll meet you at the ER." It's nice to know I'm not a paranoid lunatic, and that we have a very nice doctor.
10 comments:
No, I think it's not nice. I wish you were a paranoid lunatic. Then it wouldn't be true, what you said.
Hope little man feels better tomorrow.
*nod* I'd be paranoid, too-- decent folks seem to get slammed, and only once in a blue moon do they grab the kids who NEEDED grabbing.
Hope he's better soon.
I saw how he felt this morning. He looked grumpy but not overly so. I know how you feel about the ER. My #1 fell through an empty box he was standing on and, while trying to catch himself, grabbed at a lamp (the kind with the shade attached to the bulb) and burned his cheek. I had the same struggle--whether or not to take him to the ER. That was an Army hospital overseas. Yes, they accused my husband of child abuse the moment he came through the doors. "A toddler normally burns their hands not their cheek." That was an Army orderly. He took #1 (about 1 1/2 at the time) in to the doctor who was Air Force. He said oh, that's a toddler for you. What a sigh of relief. Next time, I might take him to St. Anthony's if you have to go to an ER. But I really don't know if they are better. I sure liked having #5 there. Anyway, I know your a terrific mom. Keep it up and I will pray for your #5. He is SOOOO sweet.
Yeah we avoid the ER like the plague. For the reasons you listed plus I just don’t like hospitals/doctors etc…But our pediatrician is great. We have used him since #1 was born. She still goes to him at 18 years of age because we all love him. He never overreacts. We don’t either. Sam and I were raised that if you aren’t gushing blood, have bones sticking out or unconscious…you rub some dirt on it and get on with life.
Sometimes it backfires. #5 child Barbara jumped out of a tree when she was 9 and a neighbor carried her in the house. We let her hobble around for 3 days. She’s kind of a drama queen. She was using a cane she found from my knee surgery. On the third day she was in the kitchen and her leg kinda gave out. Sam took her to the pediatrician the next day. He sent her to the lab for x-rays. Sure enough broken tibia.
Bad parenting award for Sam and I
Child proctective services would give back my 11 kids within an hour if they took them. Those non child having meddlers would never be able to handle them.
I can't believe what I read!
Really, I have the impression to be in a TV movie! Are ER, Child Protec. Serv.and all the team just like you write?
Olivier at the age of 3 broke his elbow falling from his chair, I was just at his left, serving the meal. ER + Surgery + Cast + Hospitalization. At no time, medical staff suggested that Olivier was mistreated!
4 years later, he fall at the parc on the same elbow. ER + fortunately no surgery, but cast this time. No inquiry or anything.
Now, when my children seem to suffer, I get to ER. I have no qualms!
I hope that you worry for no reason. Anybody who get one child would tell that children live constantly dangerously, and parents are lucky that their children don't break more arms or legs simply playing or heckling!
Catherine,
Sadly, this is a fear that parents have here. You have to constantly evaluate if anything is worth the risk of taking your children to be evaluated by a doctor that isn't your own. They are more likely to take your children than not.
It's truly sad.
Peace!
The geek in me demands to speak up-- doctors are NOT more likely to take your children than not; thousands of kids go to the ER every day, without so much as a peep.
But, given that doctors will be charged with aiding and abetting if they do NOT report possible child abuse and the kid is later found to be an abuse victim, the risk gets larger.
If there weren't disgusting perverts in our society who DO abuse their kids, we'd be fine...but, sadly, we're fallen and there ARE SOBs who rape, torture, beat and otherwise hurt their babies.
It's like driving a car-- you have to figure if what you're about to do is worth the risk.
Very astonished! Thanks PeaceandQuiet for the coomplement of information. So, you confirm.
There are many more good parents than disgusting parents, fortunately!
I'm sure you don't have less abusive parents in US because of the suspicion of the medical staff!
I believe more in the role of the Educational staff at school, they can judge for a long range, furthermore they know the child, the family. . .
Re: teachers
Sometimes they know the family-- these days, often they don't.
Also, there's a site called "interested participant" that lists at least three or four "teacher sleeps with student" stories a week--and then you get into "what about home schoolers?" and other possible bombshells.
Much safer to tell doctors to look for things like rows of cigarette burns, even though THAT opens up the danger of people being reported because their kid was clumsy.
Balancing act.
Having a regular family doctor is one of the best protections here. The only time we ever got questioned by a doctor was when we had to use someone other than our regular pediatrician. When ds was about 5 he had conjunctivitis and got black eyes from it. The ER physician started asking all the child abuse questions before he got a good look at his eyes, looked in his ears (ear infection too), listened to his chest. Then he declared it to be pink eye and an upper respiratory infection and gave us antibiotics. When my dd was about 15 months our pediatrician was in the hospital himself and we had to take her to the doctor for an upper respiratory thing. They started making noises about her maybe being anemic because she was so pale (and they clearly weren't happy with her weight). We saw our own doctor within a couple of weeks and he laughed about the concern about anemia. He said anyone who'd ever seen her father would know that she was just naturally very fair skinned (I'm fair skinned but tend to have high cheek color). He'd been carefully monitoring her rate of gain and knew she was gaining consistently albeit slowly and that she ate just fine.
I know doctors have to be on the watch for abuse and neglect, but sometimes they can't see the forest for the trees. We avoided the ER as much as possible for the same reasons as you. And, BTW my kids are both now in their 20's so this is no new phenomenon.
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