We have five. Not a lot by our grandparents standards, and nothing compared to the amazing Imelda with 11, but a huge family by modern standards. House hunting for our crew is turning out to be much more interesting than we thought it would be. There are not many choices in our price range in the size that we need.
Then there are the stunned silences. The mortgage broker, the real estate agent's secretary, the neighbors of the houses we have looked at. We tell them we are looking for 5 bedrooms or more and as many bathrooms as possible. (We all know that nature will call everyone at once.) Then the same sentiment bubbles out of them, rising to the surface before they can even stop it...."Are you done?" and my favorite "Do you want more?" All asked with a special brand of wide eyed incredulity. I'll answer it once and for all, for all of you.
Yes. Maybe not today, or in the near future, but yes. We would be happy with any new person God sends our way. We didn't plan the ones we have, and it has worked out so well, why start now?
Why? Because I can't imagine a time when I will look at my husband, this wonderful man whom I adore, and say "I don't want to have your children." I don't want to imagine a day when he tells me that he no longer wants to have babies with me. This is a marriage. We give ourselves to each other totally, holding nothing back, not even our fertility. If that means a house-full of children...well, please God may we be so lucky.
Other people can have their small families with their one perfect child. I can understand the appeal of this lifestyle. I just choose not to live it. After looking at all the houses we've seen so far, we have decided only that we don't want a designer show house with everything "just so" where a family lives a quiet and orderly life. We want a rambling sprawling place with a good sized back yard where the kids can run and play, and wrestle around on the floor without having to worry about leaving marks on the floors or walls.
This is the life for me. Loud and loving, rambunctious and wild until they collapse in a heap like a pile of worn out puppies. I don't want a perfect house. Not now. I can see the beauty of it, and it appeals to me for sure, but I don't think we could be happy there. We need quirky and odd, fun and easy. It's a wild ride, but I wouldn't want to wake up anywhere else.
15 comments:
Amen.
Have more indeed but be very careful not to let the devil trick you into a pharisaism around this issue. Some people know that their income will never support many children if one believes that one's children will be relatively poor all their life if they do not attend a good college. Rome is very silent on this issue of how many children to have. In the baroque period, the theologian Tomas Sanchez said that parents could sell a child into servitude if need be in order to feed the remaining children. No one in their right mind now admires that advice but it shows that in various cultures, it is not so safe to have many children. Now in the US social security would cover you if you were suddenly a widow. It is not so in parts of the third world where I sent money for a woman whose husband died and she had to give her children to Catholic orphanages and live near them as a maid. Rome has to deal with all such situations and not just the US or the West with its safety net. Hence Rome is quite silent on the matter as a mandate.
She may encourage large families but I doubt that you will see a return to mandates in this area.
So now I’m amazing?! I’m so far from amazing it’s not even funny…actually it is funny.
It took us awhile. But we finally found the right house for us. We bought a foreclosure 8 years ago and fixed it up and added on to it. Its 7 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. Big enough. Although last week when the stomach viruses went through the house, we had 6 people throwing up at the same time…
I have tons of smart aleck retorts to people who make snide comments about the # of kids we have. some of which I can say here on this nice family blog ;)
Btw – big families are a great safety net. My wife is the youngest of 9 and they are constantly helping each other out.
I also have 5 children and can't imagine my life any other way. Not sure why people think it is OK to comment on the relatively large size of our family. I wouldn't think of commenting on the choice of others to have only 1 or 2. The worst was the guy at Home Depot who said that I must wake up and want to kill myself when I look at all of them!?!?!?
Kill yourself?!!!! That's crazy talk. Did he say it in front of the kids?
The worst we ever got was a woman who looked at my rambunctious 2 & 3 year old boys (at the time) and sniffed that "people should know better than to bring their crotch droppings out in public if they don't know how to behave". For once in my life I was at a loss for words.
To the 1st Anon,
I just re-read my post and did not call for a mandate from Rome as to large families. What Rome does call for from married people is that they be open to the gift of life.
I'm not sure that I agree with you that "children will be relatively poor all their life if they do not attend a good college". Our electrician, who never went to college, makes more per year than our doctor, who did. There is an emphasis in our culture on the wrong things, i.e. material wealth over everything. It is difficult not to fall into that trap of thinking that "adequately providing" for one's children means giving them all that their hearts desire and taking them to lessons and classes every day of the week. Our children are fed, clothed, housed, and loved. Not extravagantly, but well. Would an extra child mean more careful budgeting and a shifting of bedrooms? Probably so. It has happened with all of the ones we have so far, why should a new one be any different? The thing is, they have all been worth the trouble.
Is it pharisaism to say that artificial birth control is a great evil in our world or that it is sinful? No. It is following the will of God instead of the will of man.
Tragedies befall families. Everyone can tell heart-rending stories of poverty and loss. Should a family miss out on the joy because they are afraid of the "what ifs"? Surely not.
I have lived in one of those third world countries where well meaning people brought the Pill in an effort to "liberate" the women. The women tried them and threw them away because the "cure" was worse than the "disease".
All I can say is, you're awesome.
I've been telling God to send us the child we are supposed to have. I have no idea what that will or won't entail.
Humanae Vitae applauds those who through generosity choose to have a very large family. The first question people ask me is ' Do you have a big house?' I refuse to give details on that one saying my grandparents on both sides raised families in ireland of 12 children in tiny houses with 2 bedrooms..one for boys one for girls & parents in living room. So size of house is ridiculous. My friend with 14 children has 4 bedrooms & each room in the house is tiny with the smallest back yard & no front garden..door off the street. She has one studying for the Priesthood & one a Poor Clare nun, two married with their own children, one with Downs, the other boys serve regularly & one is sacristan..
I mean we could all raise a large family more easily in a large house but it is by no means essential!
Just my input!
Yay!! I love this post. I have 4 crotch droppings, I mean children. I have no idea if we will have more or not. I could not imagine life another way.
I have five kiddos on this earth and we live in a 1260 sq. ft. house. My kids fit into it better than my furniture does. House size absolutely does not matter!
Love, Suzanne
P.S. We would gladly welcome more, but it looks like this may be it for me as I seem to be perimenopausal.
You go girl! Our family with 5 children now has a house more than twice what we had a year ago. It is great to have space but not any easier to keep clean. :-) Our income helps us afford this house but we are no better off financially in any other area.
Do kids really need THINGS? How about teaching them to work for what they want? How about teaching them what is important in life? IMHO, God, prayer, love, and learning that hard work rewards are the most important 'things' to give your children.
Children are a blessing from God; they are a GIFT. The Church neither mandates nor limits the gifts from God. Poverty has NEVER been cured by the prevention of Children (China still has poor!) nor the killing of children by birth control and abortion (Europe and America still have poor!). Population decline is the sign of a society's decline not its prosperity.
Am I done having kids? At my age, probably. Is it anyone's business but mine, my husband's, and God's? Absolutely NOT. If I have another one, it will be loved just as much as all my kids are loved. I'll just have to brace myself, once again, against all the crap that will come my way. "When are you going stop?" "Haven't you had enough?" "You'll never be able to retire." "You have how many...?!" "Is this your grandson?" (I got that once when out with #5-I must have looked really bad that day)
I will pray for your soul anon 1. "Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love....Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and His love is brought to perfection in us." (I Jn 4:8, 12b) "Things" do not enter into the equation.
The Mom, sorry, I did not mean to be preachy on your blog. I'll go back to mine and preach. ;-)
((hugs)) I am praying for the right house for you.
I too get frustrated at the boldness of others to pass judgment.
GOOD LUCK finding your family DREAM home!
Perfect
It all sounds lovely to me...stare right back at those people and smile. Good luck with the new home!
Post a Comment