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Two for One Day...a Haiku and a Meme

Rob sent me the ABC meme...it's Haiku Friday...I'm doin' 'em together. I think I get bonus points for that, or something.




A pretty rough week
But finally at an end
Contentment returns

Dear husband, children
Each one a piece of my heart
Fortunately mine!

Giddy, dancing girls
Hopping boys bounce off of walls
I love the chaos

Jesting, teasing man
Kind patient...funny as hell
Laughter in my life

My life's companion
Necessary as breathing
O' how I love him

Precocious children
Quiet life for us? No Sir!
Raucous revelry

Studies put away
Tired of school, it's time for fun
Until September

Victorious me!
We are almost at the end
X is the hard one

You have now reached the
Zenith point of this haiku
I think that's done it!



I tag anyone who wants to do the ABC meme to do the ABC meme.

Subway Apologizes

Kind of. In their statement, Subway explains why home schooled students weren't included, we wouldn't benefit from $5000 of exercise equipment it would seem. They've obviously never met my boys. We could use $5000 worth of equipment to wear them out, and maybe save my furniture. Trust me, it would be put to very good use. They say they understand that now, but won't change the rules. Why not? They don't say.

They don't really apologize, they say, "We get why you were mad." Great. Then you also get why we'll be eating somewhere else. Isn't it great when communication works and we all understand each other?

If you missed their statement, here it is:

Regarding your concerns about the Subway contest that excludes home schools from contest eligibility, Scholastic and Subway apologize to all individuals who have taken offense at this. Our intention was never to make independent schooled children feel discriminated against or excluded from this specific promotion.

Throughout the course of the year Scholastic runs a number of contests and sweepstakes that are open to all teachers and students. The eligibility of this contest in particular was solely put in place to award a large group of children with the grand prize of $5,000 worth of athletic equipment. We do however understand how home- schooled children could benefit from this type of prizing and will make sure eligibility is open to everyone in future promotions.

We appreciate your feedback and will make sure a similar situation does not happen in the future.

Muddle

My days are all confused. My brain has turned to mush. I sat down at the computer this morning to write my Friday haiku, got almost finished and then realized that today is Wednesday.

I'm just discombobulated this morning. I have been thinking and praying so hard about the impending changes in our lives, that my brain is having a difficult time focusing on anything else.

Do you ever get the feeling that God is like a little kid with a present? Sitting there, giggling to Himself, knowing that you're going to love it, but dragging out the anticipation until you can't stand it any more? Because the anticipation and build up are part of the gift. Just sitting there....I've never been big on surprises. Should I tell Him that? Okay, Almighty One....just cut it out and hand it over already...whatever you have behind your back...'cause really, this isn't fun anymore. In fact it stopped being fun the day the stress got to me and I started ugly crying in the back yard. That's not fun for anyone.

This whole stupid job search and the rising cost of everything are killing me slowly here. Just tell me it's part of the plan...there is a plan, right?...and I'll let you string me along a while longer.

I've started asking St Rita, Patron of the Impossible, for help praying. We've got a system worked out. At least I've worked it out, and she hasn't objected yet. I pray while I'm awake, she prays while I'm asleep. Thank God for the "silent cloud of witnesses" and that they are ready to jump in and pray.

Ever get the feeling that some saints are used to being asked for help all the time and that others are the nerdy kids from gym class, hopping around and waving their arms in the air, just hoping to be picked to play? St Rita is that girl for me. I knew hardly anything about her, then three close friends said I should be asking for her help, I looked her up and it was her feast day. I can take a hint. God thinks I need to learn to ask other people for help. Cool. I can do that. He also seems to think I need to learn patience. I think He's going to be teaching me that one for the rest of my life.

SO, pray for us please. I'm supposed to be asking for help. Pray that the job search ends, and ends well, and that God grants me patience....and that He does it right now.

See...I Told You So.

Acts of the Apostasy has a funny look at an even funnier service. You've Been Left Behind is an email distribution service to send out emails to all of your loved ones once the rapture has happened to let them know where you are. The ultimate nanny-nanny boo-boo.

I don't know what happens if you are a subscriber and you don't get raptured. Do you get a full refund of the subscription price? You should since no one would need to get an email saying you're in Heaven, since you were one of the losers who didn't get to go. You didn't see that coming, did you? I'll bet you wish you had know. That $40 a year could have bought you some McDonald's Happy Meals, or 80 Snickers bars, or half a pair of shoes for Imelda.

I don't know what the letters say, but LarryD thinks they look like this, and I have to say he'd not half bad at rubbing salt in the wound:

"Dear _____:

"Sucks to be you!!! I've been raptured! I'm in heaven now, and let me tell you, I'm so glad to be outta there! I can't tell you what heaven's like, because technically, when I wrote this email, I was still on earth. But I'm sure it's better than metro Detroit. I mean, it has to be, right? I bet it's like Grosse Pointe without the view of Windsor.

"Anyway, a couple things for you to know. First, watch out for the anti-Christ. He's really smart and tricky, and you won't want to fall for any of his ideas, otherwise you'll be screwed. I don't know who he is, but if he wrote a book, I'm sure Oprah has endorsed it by now. So look for clues there. Second, don't let anyone implant anything electronic in you - that's the mark of the beast! Keep using your Visa bankcard instead. And lastly, can you feed my cat? And change her litter? Since I was raptured six days ago now, she's really hungry and her box probably stinks to high heaven. In fact, I can smell it!! lol

"See you soon, or seven years from now. Good luck during the tribulation!"

oh, too funny, but go read everything Larry said, he's much funnier than I am.

Today's workout

Just for Imelda.

3 miles round trip on a bike to the grocery store for bread. I'm not going green on you, I'm just cheap and gas is almost $4 a gallon.

Subway

We don't eat there often, but when we are on the road, Subway is often our restaurant of choice. I love to get all of the vegetables loaded on my sandwich, and I know that among fast-food restaurants it is comparatively pretty healthy. So, what were they thinking?

They are running a contest for children in elementary school to write a story about a sandwich, the only catch is "No home schools will be accepted." I wonder why. What would be wrong with my children, who like sandwiches and like to write, entering the contest? I have read that in Oklahoma, my home state, one in five students is home schooled. What were they thinking when they excluded 20% of the children in a regional area?

Top it off with the typos in the rules:

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. Contest is open only to legal residents of the Untied States who are currently over the age of 18 and have children who attend elementary, private or parochial schools that serve grades PreK-6. No home schools will be accepted.

and Subway as a corporation begins to look foolish. Perhaps they should find a homeschooled kid to proofread for them. Maybe they need to find a new advertising agency.

A dear friend of mine who home schools her six children, has rightly said that Subway has the right to exclude whomever they choose from their promotions. She's tired of the "It's not fair" whiny mentality which has taken over this country. I agree with her. A private institution has the right to write the rules any way it chooses. I'm not calling for a boycott. I am simply marveling at the stupidity.

If you want to call them and tell them how dumb you think they are, the number is 1-800-888-4848. The customer service rep I talked to said there would be an explanation on their website this afternoon. I can't wait to see the reasoning behind this move, but it should be good.

More Noisy Kids!

Congratulations to dadwithnoisykids and wifeofdadwithnoisykids who just announced that they are expecting a 2009 model(s) in January. This will be their 12th living child (or 12 and 13th). They lost their 15 year old son a month and a half ago. What a blessing this new life is to their family. Please keep them in your prayers, and if you haven't been to Scorpion Stalking Duck....well, you should go.

Ku ku katchoo

Bless me. Oh, Thank you.
not too much to write about
husband out of town

life without schedules
seems like a good idea
perhaps in theory

what time to get up?
No one's off to work or school
alarm clock not set

dinner is at four
no waiting for anyone
eat when you're hungry

fluid time schedule
days that stretch on forever
nothing measures time

just monotony
one day just like another
please come home, my love

Housekeeping

As any regular reader of this blog knows, I am the world's worst housekeeper. Alright, that may be a slight exaggeration, but I'm surely in the bottom 10. I thought I had come to a comfortable acceptance with myself over this. I told myself cute things like "When you're homeschooling, you can either have brilliant children or a clean house, but you can't have both." Good, huh? So here I was, just doing enough to keep the health department at bay, and then my vacuum cleaner bit the dust.

I hated my vacuum cleaner. It nagged me. It had this "helpful" dirt sensor light that turned green when your floor was clean. Some days it took a long time to turn green.

I'm not generally a fan of appliances that nag me. In fact, it annoys the crap out of me. The microwave dings every minute between the time it's done and I open the door. (I hear you! Sometimes I'm just too busy doing other stuff. Like eating my bon-bons and watching my stories. Hang on a second will ya?) Or my new car that tells me when passengers unbuckle themselves. (If the 8 yr old and the 6 yr old want to have a wrestling match in the third row, how is that any of the car's beeswax?) And then there was the vacuum....with the light that taunted me.

It died. We have five children and a lot of carpet. Living even a day without a vacuum is not an option. Have I mentioned my husband's OCD and germ phobia? (Yes, he's germ phobic and I'm not a great housekeeper. It must be love that keeps us together. No, I haven't considered changing my ways. If it bothers him so much then he can clean it. Who are you, my mother?)

I got a Bissell Healthy Home machine. This puppy right here.
See the Healthy right in the title? That's got to help even a poor slob like me.

Now I can see that the nagging one was right. My house is disgusting. I emptied 3 canisters of dirt and dust from the 3 year old's bedroom, and 4 from mine. I have moved every bit of furniture in the house and vacuumed obsessively under it. I don't know about the house being healthier, but I will be after all this activity. It doesn't even need a dirt sensor light to make me feel bad. The walk of shame from my house to the outside garbage can with a canister of debris 5 times in one hour is punishment enough.

I, the Mom, swear on a stack of Mister Clean Magic Erasers to never let my house get to this point again...and failing that, to find the person who invented dust and kick his....well, you get the general idea.

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Disappointment

People keep asking me about my trip to Cincinnati. Was it exciting? What did I do? What did I wear? How cool was it?

I fear that I am disappointing them. I just don't know what they want me to say. It was interesting. I met a fascinating woman, Dr. Donna Harrison. If you have some free time, you should google her. An Ob/GYN who has made RU-486 her mission. She also, walked away from her medical career to homeschool her 5 children. How cool is that? She was so interesting to hear, I could have listened to her all day. I honestly think they could have done the show with just Donna. I'm just the human interest story.

Being interviewed was just sitting and talking. The host was nice, the crew was great, the producer was one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. But, it was just a conversation in the kitchen. Sure there were lights and cameras, and I was wearing a ton of make-up, but it was just a 30 minute chat in the kitchen.

I don't even think I'll watch it. It was very painful to watch myself on the monitor. I nit-picked all of the things I didn't like about how I looked or sounded. It brought out the most unattractive narcissism in me. I think it might be a near occasion of sin. I don't need that. I get tempted enough in my life without adding to it knowingly.

I just feel as if I'm letting people down. As if I should be more excited about it, or dramatically retell everything that happened. Let them live vicariously through me for a moment in time. I'm not really sure what they expect, but I can see the let down clearly on their faces. I'm sorry, if you are one of the people who expected me to tell you that it was glamorous and wonderful.

Here's what really happened:

I flew to Cincinnati, got slathered with make-up, chatted for half an hour about the death of my child, got on a plane and came home. I missed my family, I got a crick in my neck from the fluffy hotel pillows, and spent 11 hours on planes or in the airport.

I met lots of people including an ex-hippie who decided I wasn't worth conversation once I gushed that I was thrilled to be crossing the Mason-Dixon line for only the second time in my life; she rolled her eyes and huffed "I've been to the south." Whatever. I've been to Berkeley and San Francisco and thought they were cess-pools, I still gave you the benefit of the doubt about being interesting.

I marveled at the good looks and thin-ness of the people going to Ontario and how well dressed they were. They marveled that I could only speak one language. The next plane was going to Chattanooga. Two people got stuck in the airport chairs.

I paid $3 for frozen yogurt in Chicago. It was vile, so I threw it away. We had sandwiches from Panera Bread at the shoot. I'd never eaten there before. They were tasty; I learned I don't like Asiago cheese.

I decided that I really want one of those deals that automatically wraps the toilet seat in clean plastic for me like they have at the Chicago airport. I have three little boys. Enough said.

I think that covers it all, but if I didn't tell you something you want to know, please ask. My life is an almost-open book. That's why I have a blog.

Pray

Please pray for the brother in law of one of the Catholic Cavemen. Trey has suffered a traumatic brain injury in an accident. He is in a coma and seems to be giving up. Pray for him. Pray for his wife who is now the head of her family. Pray for their child whose world has come crashing down.

I have been that child. The child of a brain-injured parent. It is not easy, but I am so glad we still have mom. I am glad she survived. I didn't always think so, and she didn't always think so. Twenty years later, we see the hand of God so clearly.

Please pray for this family. They are on a hard road. They have much to learn about themselves and each other. I just pray that when they get a good ways down the road they will, like us, look back and say "ah, I see the plan...thank you God, I see it, and You were right."

I Had to Make-Up My Ears

I got home from shooting the TV show "Facing Life Head-On". It should air the 2nd Tuesday of June on TBN. Check your local listings for air times (I never realized that I wanted to say that, but it's kind of fun.)

Television production is interesting. It takes fewer people than I thought, but a lot more fidgety perfectionism. I don't know how many times the producer (HI Teresa!) stop things to fix someones hair or adjust a light or smooth out a wrinkle in a jacket. All to look like an impromptu conversation. It's all deception. Nothing spontaneous happens, and if it does, then it gets edited out.

It takes a lot of make-up to look normal on television, probably a quarter bottle of foundation and 4 kinds of powder. All of this just to look as if I wasn't wearing any make-up. Then I had to put on mascara, eyeliner, and lipstick. It feels gross, too. Like that thick stuff you use when you're a kid and trying to be a clown. All greasy and tight and incredibly itchy, except you can't scratch it or you'll have to start over again.

I had make-up on my face, neck, chest, the back of my neck and even my ears! Not just a little ear make-up, nope, they were coated with the stuff. Any speck of skin which might show had to be covered or I would look like the Night of the Living Dead on camera. I'm not sure that zombie would be a good look for me.

The interview went well, I think. You'll have to let me know what you think. I can't watch it. I tried. It's painful to watch yourself on television. The cringe-factor is off the charts. I think I'll go for a walk when it airs and come back when it's over.

TV is fun. I wouldn't mind doing it again, but I hate flying, and I still have a bit of make-up in my ears.

Out of Town

I'll be gone until Saturday, so check back then or read your way through the archives. In the meantime, enjoy this picture of my new niece and namesake. (Her daddy, my brother, said it was okay to share these with you.)

And the Winner Is.....

I had a photo contest for the third picture I'll take with me tomorrow to Cincinnati. There were three entries. (Catherine didn't enter because of some lame excuse about "I'm French and won't get to see it... blah,blah, blah She should have because her old man with the dog would have won. Something about it cracks me up.)

Here's the winner:


I love those cheeks. I just want to smoosh them.


Rob, I told you you were my BFAM, it got you second place, but you couldn't compete with the fat baby.


I love the thumb suckers, they remind me of my own two thumbsuckers.

I'm taking all three. If they let me use them all, I will. If not I'm going to go in order. Thanks for entering! This was fun, but really hard. I hate picking favorites.

Rebekah

Please pray for my sister in law who's in labor today with my new niece, Rebekah Anne. We're so excited to have another girl in the family after 3 stinky boys in a row. I'm also thrilled because they are naming har after me and my favorite aunt! I'm not saying if I'm the Rebekah or the Anne, or if it's my first or middle name they're using. Some of you know, and I expect strict silence on this.

They expect her to be around 9 pounds. Ouch. I've never had one that big, thank goodness, but my sister in law is a great girl and I know she can do this and make it look easy. Marrying her was one of the best things my brother ever did, naming the baby after me...that's a close second.

Welcome to the world, baby girl!

Having a Bad Day?

Then this is for you. With love from the Mom.

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Why I Used to Hate FTD (the flower people)

***Update****She got free flowers, and a phone call from the Vice-President of FTD for on-line orders personally apologizing to my mother-in-law for not getting the order there on time. It took 2 hours on the phone, five people up the chain of command and my saying, "Do you have a computer with internet access? You do? Then type in http://shovedtothem.blogspot.com .....I'll wait." Immediate results! I love this blog. It has power! It was either that or all the calls flooding customer service. Either way..pretty cool. She liked the flowers. They were pretty. She was happy..The End



I sent my mother-in-law flowers for Mother's Day. A lovely arrangement of stargazer lilies in a pretty vase. She's the kind of person who likes to get flowers, it makes her smile every time that she sees them. I am not the kind of person who likes to get flowers, I think they are a waste of money and they die. Send me a gift card instead, please. But she likes them, and I'm okay with sending them to her because I know how much she enjoys getting them.

I usually use proflowers.com. They're good. Nice flowers, and a lot of them for the price. If you have someone in your life who enjoys flowers, use them. They're good.

I did not use them. I used FTD. I have never used FTD before, but they had same day delivery, and I confess that I procrastinated ordering the flowers until the Friday before Mother's Day. Some people would think this makes me forgetful or un-thoughtful, or some other made up word, but I think it means that I am a stay at home mom and have very little clue about the actual date of anything since I never have to write the date down.

I ordered the flowers Friday morning at 7 AM and paid for same day delivery. Not some cheapy bouquet, but $80 worth of springtime beauty. When I forget something, I make up for it. Unless the florist doesn't deliver the flowers.

That's right. They never got there. The website said that they could be delivered as late as 9PM because of the holiday. I was okay with that as long as they got there. At 10 after 9:00, I had the oldest child call her and ask "Are they pretty?" We all waited for her to gush, as she usually would.

"Are what pretty, dear?"

"The flowers. Are they pretty?"

"What flowers, sweetheart?"

At this point, #1 looked horrified and handed the phone off to her father who quickly explained that we had sent flowers and they should have arrived that day. We were sure they would be there Saturday and asked her to call us as soon as they arrived.

Saturday. By 2PM, there were still no flowers. I called the 1-800 number for FTD and talked to Mike on the phone. He said "They have until 5:00 to deliver the flowers for today."

"These were supposed to be delivered yesterday."

"Oh, shit...excuse me, ma'am. Let me call the florist." He put me on hold. Did I mention that I had already spent 17 minutes on hold waiting for him to answer the phone in the first place?

"They hung up on me."

"Who hung up on you, Mike?"

"The florist. She said she was really busy and didn't have time to talk right now, and she hung up on me, but I'm sure she'll get them this afternoon."

"And you'll refund my credit card....?"

"Of course. But let's get those flowers delivered first." I realize that he was hoping the flowers would arrive and I would be so stunned by their loveliness that I wouldn't ask for my money back. Obviously Mike either doesn't know me, or Mike's an idiot.

The flowers never got there. They had special Sunday deliveries and the flowers never got there. I hate FTD. If I didn't really like my mother-in-law, I'd tell them where exactly they could put their flowers, and I would be anatomically precise about it.

Monday. I called the 1-800 number again. 34 minutes on hold waiting for a human being. Seriously, they need to hire more phone people. I got Seth. I told him my woeful tale and asked for his help. Please I asked him, let my mother-in-law know that we love her. Send her lovely flowers that make her weep in awe at their loveliness. Can you help me, Seth?
"Let me call the florist." On hold again. Their music sucks in case you were wondering...it's too loud and plays way too fast. "I talked to the florist and she tried to rush me off the phone, but she promised me that they would be there today."

"And my refund..? Because, Seth, we've missed Mother's Day now. She sat there on Mother's Day, with all her children and grand children living in other states, and she didn't even get flowers from us. It's after the holiday. You missed the event, so what are you going to do for me to make this right?"

" I can give you 20% back on your credit card and an upgrade on the flowers."

I almost lost it here. "20% back doesn't even cover the 'convenience charge' for shopping on-line and it doesn't cover that plus the delivery charge. As for the upgrade, Seth, these better be some f-ing fantastic flowers. They better knock her socks off. Do you know what I mean? YOU'VE MISSED MOTHER'S DAY! I will call you back when she has the flowers to discuss how much of a discount I get. I'll make you a deal, if she's crying I'll take your 20%"

"Have a good day ma'am."

Okay, so I lost it a bit, but come on...20%? It is now 2:30PM and she still doesn't have the flowers. I hate FTD. I will never use them again. I am calling on all of you to call FTD and ask them where order #FTE513273 is. Their number is 1-800-736-3383. While you're on the phone with them, let them know how you feel about companies with bad customer service who let mothers and grandmothers feel unloved on their special day, and tell them you're using pro-flowers.com from now on, because the Mom uses them and says they're good, and we all know that Mom's always right.

Photo Contest Time

Have an awesome picture? Want it to be on television? Here's your chance!

I leave on Thursday for Cincinnati to be on a national pro-life TV program. I've been asked to bring a couple of framed photographs to make the interview space look more home-y. The producer suggested three or four. I have two of my own framed and ready which leaves space for one more photograph. It could be yours!

The rules:
1. All photos must be posted by Tuesday May 13th.
2. Post photo on your own blog, link back to this post, and post a comment here letting me know that you want to play.
3. I will pick my favorite (yes, bribes are acceptable...what? it's my contest) print it and suitably frame it. I will make sure that it is visible in the background during my interview.
4. All subject matter is acceptable, as long as it is not obscene, copyrighted, or illegal.

The clock's ticking. What are you waiting for?

(For the record, that's #4 and #5 when #5 was less than a day old. All together now....Awwwwwww.)

haiku - au naturale

watch your dirty mind
it's not THAT kind of nature
children read this blog!!!!



seedlings peeking out
stretching toward the sunlight
tiny leaves unfurl

springtime work and rain
bring about minuscule plants
aching to grow tall

spinach, carrots, beans
planted neatly in their rows
slumber in the soil

weeds pulled up
fertilizer spread around
the work of small hands

excited farmers
shout with glee over their crops
thrilled to see a beet

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Just for Jennifer

Jennifer, aka the Binky B----, posted on one of her blogs about making red beans and rice. I admit to being a bit obsessed with beans and rice. Here's my recipe just for her, but the rest of you can make it if you want to..

The Mom's Red Beans and Rice

1 lb dried red beans
1 hamhock
3 cloves of garlic
1 1/2 chopped onion
1 green pepper chopped
1 cup chopped scallions
2 bay leaves

Put it in a pot with enough water to cover it by a couple of inches. Simmer for 2 hours. (I don't soak the beans over night or any of that nonsense. I have 5 children...do you really expect me to think that far ahead?)

2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp dried parsley
1/2 tsp basil
1 tbsp creole seasoning (I like to double this, but I like FLAVOR in my cajun food)
Tabasco to taste
crushed red pepper to taste

Add to pot and give it a good stir. Put the lid on, add water if you need to and simmer.

An hour or so later, smash 1/4 to 1/3 of the beans against the side of the pot. the more you smash the thicker it gets. If they don't smash easily, wait 15 minutes and try again. I like it THICK, so I smash almost half of them.

Add 1 lb Andouille sausage, sliced
juice of 1 good sized lime

simmer for another 30 minutes then serve over your favorite rice or just eat it out of the pot. YUM!

It takes about 4 hours total, but they are mostly unsupervised hours. The prep time depends on how quickly you chop. It takes me about 20 minutes to get it all cut up.

The lime adds a lovely brightness to the sauce. The vegetables should cook away to practically nothing, so your kids won't be picking stuff out. It tastes even better after spending a night in the fridge. It's a pretty cheap meal..about $5 a pot, and feeds my whole family without a lot of leftovers, or just me for a very happy week.

In the home stretch..

Two weeks of school left. Just two. Why do the last two weeks seem so daunting? The difficult lessons are all behind us. All that remains is to finish up the books, and pack them away ans enjoy our brief summer break before we start the whole cycle over again.

We will do things a little differently next year. For example, we will not take such a long break for Advent and Christmas. I had such high hopes for a holy season in which to prepare for the birth of Christ. What we got instead were bored children who couldn't go outside because it was too cold. They drove me crazy and destroyed the inside of the house. In this case, traditional schools have it right. Two weeks of Christmas holidays are long enough. Just long enough for them to rest and be recharged and ready to tackle their lessons with renewed enthusiasm.

I'd also like to be able to work in at least one daily Mass per week. I set this goal for myself every year, but haven't been able to live up to my good intentions. This summer we'll start attending Mass without having school to complete afterwards. Perhaps if it is already a habit then we will be less inclined to skip it when we get back to our lessons in the Fall.

I'd also like to begin an evening family rosary. My husband is a pretty new convert, and the rosary is foreign to him still...but the families I know who do this say such wonderful things about what it does for them. I'm willing to give it a go.

I have all of these great plans and ideas for next year....but first we have to get through these last two weeks. Just two weeks. It's my annual endurance test...the weather is great and I just want to take them all to the park and play in the sunshine. It's like the last mile of a marathon when walking would be so easy to do, but you force yourself to sprint to the finish instead. I'm ready to sprint it out, even if it means dragging everyone across the line with me.

from the mouths of babes..

Me to two year old child: "What does the sheep say?"

#2 at age 2: "baa"

"What does the cow say?"

"moo."

What does the pig say?"

silence

"Come on...what does the pig say?" snort for a hint

silence, but questioning look

snort again "What does the pig say?"

"Boogers"

Still Running

4 miles yesterday. 1.5 lbs lost. Imelda's buying me new shoes!

He Ate My Wedding RIng - The Update

#3 cried all weekend because he thought that he had eaten our "being married." He was sure that one of us would have to move out.

I bought a simple gold band on Sunday. He looked happy, but kept staring at it. Then Monday morning he told #2, "Mom has the One Ring."

"She does?"

"Yes, the one ring to rule them all..."

Personally, I'm okay with that. It seems just about right.....(cue evil laughter)

He Ate My Wedding RIng

#3 chews. Everything. I've talked to doctors about it. I've talked to child psychologists about it. They say he'll outgrown it. I say there is a problem here. There are times when I hate to be right.

He ate my wedding ring. Chewed it up. Swallowed a sapphire out of it. He wanted to know how shiny tasted. He was sad to report that it tasted nothing like he expected. It was a disappointment to him. I'm kind of sad to hear that. There's a twisted part of me that feels that if he's going to eat my wedding band, it should be the most singularly fulfilling chewing experience of his 6 year old life, and he's chewed a lot of stuff.

He ate the corners off of the coffee table, and the pleather off of my brand new computer chair. If his t-shirts have pictures, then they will also have holes. I was thrilled to find a Pirates of the Caribbean shirt which was pre-chewed. No one noticed when he added some fraying to the collar. He ate holes in his floaties when he was 3. Swimming around in a friends pool, biting the floats, sinking, unable to stop himself.

He will outgrow it. Children chew things. They chew pencils, and pen lids. They eat paste and paper. Children chew. #3 chews. I don't think this is "normal".

He chews on hard things like rocks, jewelry, tree branches, and ball bearings(we found that out when we heard the 'clank' of metal hitting porcelain). Soft things like bubble gum do nothing for him. He likes to chew legos.

Is it caused by an allergy? Is it a developmental thing? Is he just a bad kid? These are the questions we ask. At last he has eaten something which has a doctor agreeing that we may be dealing with a problem. Someone in a position to help sees the problem at long last.

He ate my wedding ring. Someone finally listened to us. He ate my wedding ring. Thank God he did.

We Interrupt this Blog....To Bring You a Little Haiku

Tornado shelter
the closet under the stairs
empty just in case

the sirens wailing
storm clouds swirling in the sky
baseball sized hail falls

grab shoes and pillows
flashlight and baby brother
come and sit with me

I will keep you safe
while your Dad watches the sky
'til it's calm again

Holy Hail, Batman!

Just look at what fell at our house. Ah, the joys of Oklahoma living....wind, tornadoes, hail....

Psst...Hey buddy...need a Computer Guy?

My dear, sweet, completely brilliant Computer Guy is still looking for a job. He has had a few interviews, but nothing yet. It is killing me. He, on the other hand, is calm and patient and faithful as ever. I hate that.

Doesn't anybody need a brilliant network manager who runs servers and backups, manages networks, builds whole systems with his own two hands and then gives them clever names? Don't you want an employee who was given an award for his actions during the Oklahoma City bombing? Doesn't anybody need to have their own private hero on staff?

He can fix anything, is moral and ethical, completely loyal to his employer, and is funny as hel....heck. His wife bakes banana bread that he brings into the office to share, and if you hire him now, he comes complete with his own screaming, flying monkeys, for a limited time only.

caterpillar

My almost two year old nephew's beloved caterpillar has died. It used to play "Beautiful Dreamer" when the cord was pulled, now it just lays there. He can't sleep without it, and my brother and sister in law ask your help. Please look carefully at the picture....do you know him? Do you know where to find him or a caterpillar similar? (They found another brand, but it broke within 3 days) The original was a gift, and the tag is so faded that they can't read it. If you know where to find one, please let me know. They will be ever so grateful. If you have one to donate, let me know that and I will PM their address to you.

Thank you for helping a little boy find his friend.