I was asked yesterday if I ever regretted not having a career before I became a mom. The conventional wisdom of our day is that a girl should got to college and get her education, have a career, make her own money, see the world, and live a little before settling down, getting married and having her two babies (one boy, one girl, if you please). Do I feel as if I've missed out on anything by marrying young?
I'll be honest with you, sometimes I do. There are places I dream of going that I will probably never see. If we had waited to marry and have babies, I could have gone there. I could have seen the Great Wall of China, or St Peter's in Rome, or the rain forests in Costa Rica.
I will never be rich and powerful, a household name synonymous with success. I would enjoy that. I'm the kind of girl who gets a thrill out of being recognized and respected for the work I do. In my mind, I can see myself in a business suit wheeling and dealing with the rich and powerful. I'll never be that woman. It would have been fun.
I won't discover new lands or find the cure for cancer. I won't ever look smart in my military uniform or or fly a jet or fight a just war for a noble cause. 200 years from now, my name will be forgotten. My own descendants won't even know the shadow of who I was.
But my legacy will go on. Notoriety and history books are the legacy of such a small handful. Most of the people who are known today will be unknown to future generations. We will all have been forgotten in the unceasing march of time.
I may never see the ends of the Earth, but those who come after me will. They will take with them my husband's sweet smile or my own evil cackle. The shape of the hands which cure disease will bear the mark of my own crooked pinkies; their sure and steady stride will be my sweetheart's own. They will bear traces of us, unknowingly, into the future. These laughing, playing children will be our own immortality.
Do I regret the dreams which will go unfulfilled? Yes, I do, but I would regret it more if I had done and seen them all and these dear ones had never been.
9 comments:
I have never had a "power career," but I went to college and worked before marrying. I was 28 when I got married. I completely regret not marrying sooner, but I had no prospects (actually I had wrong prospects). I envy you actually! ....But not in a sinful way!
Love, Suzanne
Ahhhhh, beautiful!
So beautiful. I have some regrets too, but they do not compare to how sad life would be with out my little men! I was on my way to medical school when I met my husband. I would have loved being a DR, but love being a mom to these precious, creatures even more.
As far as travelling, there is still time . . . when the kids are grown and out of the house!
Thank you for this post!
I have some thoughts on this.
(Not scolding you, so don't take this wrong.) First, God saw fit to bless us with only two children - a boy and a girl - 9-1/2 years apart. Believe me, He really knew what he was doing. :)
Second, it really depends on the person - plain and simple. Some women like being at home and being nourishing and being mothers. Others don't. Some are a little of both.
I had a career of sorts. (Never made enough money to go see the world, though.) I married, had a baby, and after a few months went back to work. I had a very difficult time settling as a wife and mother. I liked working and being independent. Don't get me wrong. I loved my husband and that baby so much, but after a while I went nuts staying home.
Sometimes I think it is better not to have had a career or dated very much. But for that to have worked for me, I would have had to had been married at age 10 or 11. After that I was too ready to not have to take care of little ones and do house work all the time.
You are right. Not many of us will be remembered by future generations. But, we will leave a mark on society. Our genetic little quirks will be passed on. And, hopefully, what love and integrity and whatever other goodness we instill will be passed on, also.
I agree completely with what you say, it was simply me working my way through what was a surprisingly sensitive question. "Do you regret the choices you've made?" It depends upon the moment and what I'm regretting.
It wasn't meant to be a judgment upon the choices of others, simply a reflection upon my own.
My mom is in a retirement community. Many of the people who live there are quite rich. But at 82, she has a higher social status because she has kids and especially grandkids who visit regularly. She has a pool at her place and we do not so once a week in the summer we are over there for a swim. Mom likes to wave to her friends from the pool.
Hey, upside-- female uniforms are really hard to look sharp in. (I always looked like a very plump stewardess.)
I wear a suit to work and if I play my cards right I'll be negotiating over a few million (or so) every now and again.
And you did the math right.
St. Peter's will still be there when your kids are your age now (which is when I'll see it, too, 'cause I don't have that much vacation).
Misfit,
Maybe we can go together, because there's no way the Computer Guy is flying over the ocean. There's sharks in there. But that's a story for another day.
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