Dear Stacy,
I hope that you had a good time last night out drinking and dancing with your friends, and almost every night for the last couple weeks. It seems like you must have met a lot of guys. I know this, even though I don't know you, because they keep calling my phone number to reach you.
According to Jake (who really is a nice guy so it's kind of sad he can't really reach you), you would give your phone number out to any guy who bought you a drink. Bully for you! I admire that kind of entrepreneurial spirit. It's nice to know that Capitalism is alive and well with the younger generation. Although, technically I suppose that selling the wrong phone number to people could be called fraud...I'm sure your heart was in the right place. You're just a nice girl who didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I get it. After all, cute is deserving of a few drinks. Isn't it?
Here's the thing you may not have known. Your gentlemen friends started calling you, by which I mean they were calling me, still drunk or hung over, two weeks ago. After the first couple argued with me that I was, in fact, you, and became quite irate...well, I decided to take a different stance on the whole thing.
I know, from what you told them and they shared with me, that you are a student at the local college, and that you are picking up Summer hours. You must be a smart girl. I hope you were smart enough to give out a fake name with your fake number. If not, you may have some explaining to do around campus.
By the time this had gone on a week, I started to explain to people why you weren't answering your phone yourself. You see, you've been arrested. I know, it's shocking isn't it? You seemed like such a nice, honest girl. Arrested! for being part of an elaborate plot with your friends. You flirt with guys, get them to buy you drinks, wait until their guard is down, rob them blind (they still had their money? Well, they're the lucky ones) and then y'all go on a shopping sprees for shoes and chinchillas. You know those little fuzzy rat things? You just love them. Didn't you know that you were secretly addicted to owning the nasty things? The cops found dozens and dozens of them at your apartment. The stench was amazing. Really, people were sickened by the smell. Who new a cute girl could be so gross?
I've advised all those boys to never buy you a drink again, and to warn their friends to stay as far away from you and your friends as they can get. They've assured me that they will let everyone know that you should be avoided like the plague. That should make clubbing super fun for you in the future.
Good luck with your life, Stacy. I'll bet that it gets a lot more boring for the next little while. Instead of the clubs? How about going to church? You might just learn something while you're there. As an extra bonus, the church boys will be the only ones who don't know about the chinchilla thing.
Toodles,
the Mom
19 comments:
Wow.
Just wow.
That was amazing.
Wish I'd thought of something like that. We must have the number "Otis" used to have. We've had our same phone number for 7 years now, and while the calls for Otis come less and less frequently, it is still annoying to be interuppted in the middle of class for a stranger's phone call. I think most people who actually know Otis must know by now that ours is not his number anymore.
God Bless
Oh, you are so wicked! (smirk)
At least you didn't give her a nasty social disease.
To all the boys -- you got PLAYED. Oldest trick in the book.
Wow. That is genius. Stacy will never know what hit her. She'll certainly never guess that it was a Catholic mom of six. XD
Several years ago I think one of my parents' cell phones had the former number of a drug dealer. I'm sure it was....interesting.
Oooh what an insult to chinchillas!!
For the entire time I was in Alaska I had people calling for either a certain doctor's office or Crystal Brown.
Funnily enouch Crystal Brown of North Pole, AK ended up on my social security number. Folk suggested we had the same ssn. Funny. I'm from the East Coast. And the entire time I was in the Navy or going to college or in the fire service no one was on my ssn.
Went to the SSN office and they told me, "Too bad! We can only do something if she uses your ssn."
Nice. I live with that over my head 24/7
Chinchillas?
VERY CREATIVE!!!!
I'll never understand why people import rodents into their homes. It seems so counter-intuitive.
We get recordings from people asking for "JOHN STRECKER" "If you are 'JOHN STRECKER' or know him, please press 1 now."
We have talked to dozens of people telling them, "He used to own the house we live in now, but he died about 7-8 years ago according to the neighbors." We've lived here for 5 years.
They keep calling!
Love, Suzanne
Suzanne, Tell them that he's gone off somewhere to raise chinchillas for some girl named Stacy.
Good one! I'll be sure to tell my daughter not to give out a fake phone number.
Your future sons-in-law will have no idea what hit them. None.at.all.
;-)
LarryD-Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Definitely a good thing!
You ROCK!!!!
This is hilarious! :)
Found your blog and wanted to say this is hilarious... Good for you.. If only this would work on the 80+ year old couple that call our house multiple times a week wanting to find Alan...
ROFL
You are hysterical!!!
LOLOL!
♥
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