The woman at the grocery store looked at my overfull shopping cart and my half dozen children and proclaimed, "I could never do that. You must be a saint." People say this to me all the time, canonizing me against my will.
I'm not a saint. I'm just a normal mom. I'm a normal mom with 6 children. The six children don't make me a saint, they just mean that I know more about the inside of a delivery room than most non-medical people.
Having a big family does not mean that I am more organized than anyone else. I am better at throwing stuff away or dragging it off to Goodwill than almost anyone, but that's not the kids fault. I've been throwing junk out for years. I do admit to owning a label maker, but it ran out of paper a year or so ago. I keep meaning to buy more, but it never makes it on my list.
Having a big family does not mean we are wealthy. I'm not sure how people have come to the conclusion that we are, but I know they think so. I often am told, "I could never afford to feed all those kids." We can't really either if you look at it on paper. We're not richer than other people, we're just better with coupons and bargain hunting. It's not cleverness on my part, we like to actually have food to eat.
All these kids don't mean that I was somehow created with more patience than anyone else. I firmly believe that patience is built up through strength training. The more times you use it, the more endurance you have. If the people in the store were looking, they'd see that I have ample opportunity to practice patience every day. I wasn't blessed with perfect children, just with the opportunity to learn patience. A lot of opportunity.
Homeschooling all these kids doesn't mean that I'm some kind of genius. It simply means that I was clever enough to buy the teacher's manuals and actually read them. I not smarter than anyone else, I'm just honest about the fact that I don't know everything.
The truth of it all is that I'm not better or holier than anyone else. Having sainthood bestowed on me by random strangers makes me slightly uncomfortable. I'm not doing anything miraculous, heroic, or superhuman. I'm just a woman who loves my husband and our children and tries to do the best I can for them. Some days I am a spectacular success, some a spectacular failure. Most days I am just average and getting along like everyone else. My average is just bigger and the volume makes it look more impressive than it really is.
11 comments:
Seems like we get similar commentary! HA HA HA! We'll need to put our heads together to come up with a clever response! I usually just say "oh I'm not the saint, my husband is!"
Personally I think some people say those things because they are looking for a justification to having only 1.5 kids. Or maybe their children are so poorly behaved that they think you have magical powers to have SIX that appear to be so civilized. I usually get the 'your hands sure are full' comment, which I take to mean 'lady, you can't handle those kids very well', and I only have 4. -Loretta
My grandfather had a line:
You just... do it. Look at it, figure out what needs to be done, and do it.
FWIW, they might just be trying to make smalltalk. I know when mom took us to the store, she was usually a bit harried just making sure that we were close. (Always had a huge fear we'd get snatched.)
I really think you're reading too much into it - don't feel uncomfortable for what is just small talk or a throwaway comment! Other people or mothers are really probably not giving as much thought to you and your life as you think they are.
Amen.
I just love the comment: "Your not thinking about having more are you?" As I am pulling a cart with our 2 year old and one of the twins and pushing a cart with the other twin and the groceries. Like it is any of their business. I also get the "How do you do it?s", "You must have your hands full." and various other comments about my patience. My kids are good kids but they are not perfect and I don't think I could handle it if they were. Thanks for your post.
I get the exact same comments and I have the exact same internal responses.
I am not a saint, not even close, sadly. I am, by nature, easily irritated and not very patient. I took two years to get through Algebra II, I am not a genius. Organized? I refer to my van as 'the rolling garbage can'. I showed up at the dentist a week before I was scheduled too.
I can make it *look* like I have it altogether when necessary and God has managed to meld my husband's and ny genes into some pretty cute kids so people see past the too-short-jeans and mismatched socks usually.
I am struggling just as much as the next mom whether she works inside the home or out, has 14 kids or 1...we *all* struggle with something or a lot of things. I am not a hero, or a saint or an angel or crazy or someone to be pitied.
I am a wife and mother.
great post. It, too, makes me feel uncomfortable. But those other great comments or small talk that leave you happy you have shared some happiness and joy with the other person is what I like to focus on as much as possible. Of course the negative (what I perceive as neg) happen a whole lot more....
Some days I can only agree with them when they mention "wow, are they all yours? You have so many kids!" And I'm like "yeah, duh!!!" haaa haaaa
It is true, we are not saints-but trying to be! My usual comment is to the saint comment is:
"No, not yet...but I think I am on the right road to it!" and I laugh pretty loud. It always makes it light for both of us.
And if someone does NOT ask how many kids I have, I always like to share somehow get them intrigued to ask me and then tell them. I LOVE the look on their faces!!! Cracks me up!
God bless,
Mary @Cheerios
Beautiful post. Spoken like a Saint in the making. Of course, a Saint in the making doesn't see her virtue and glory!!
Love your blog!
I love the way you put things! I rarely get the line about the saint--gosh what does that say about me? But, I do get, "Are they all yours?" And I make sure to say, "Yes, we are very blessed! They are all mine and all my husband's! We have been married for almost 18 years!" I say it as nicely as I can, but that usually ends the conversation!
Love, Suzanne
My response has become "I'm not there yet, still breathing, only dead people get cannonized." It makes me feel insanely uncomfortable as well. I wish that kind of "small talk" weren't so loaded!
Peace!!
I don't know how I came across your blog but I'm glad the Holy SPirit led me here because I just struggled with homeschooling issues and posted about how I'm definitely NOT a saint. I'm putting you on my blogroll now.
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