This week we went to my grandmother-in-law's funeral. It was beautiful and moving, and I have so much I want to say about it....but I just have to know something first.
Why do people take pictures of bodies in caskets?
My family doesn't do this, but the Computer Guy's family does. It's a bit disconcerting to be looking through family photo albums and reminisce about Christmas, birthday parties, weddings, and then flip the page to see Uncle George laid out in his coffin.
I'll admit to thinking this was one of those weird things which was unique to my husband's family....until Wednesday. Wednesday we were having the pre-funeral meal in the church hall (they're Protestant...they eat before the funeral....weird). I was looking at pictures of the congregation on the walls and saw not one but THREE corpses immortalized in photographs. Am I alone in finding this icky?
Can anyone explain this to me? Would you want someone to take pictures of you in your casket? If so, can you tell me why? Oh, and y'all are my witnesses....I want a closed casket....it's the only way I can be sure to keep the cameras away.
16 comments:
I have no explanation for it, but LarryD wanted to know if any holy relics would be passed out at your wake.
Do blog posts count as 2nd class relics?
Well we're Protestant and I have NEVER heard of this before. It is icky.
My family does this. I'm not sure why, except to memorialize the family for future generations. I've never found it icky or odd (my family is Protestant, even though my husband and our family is Catholic, and I've seen it on both our sides).
On another note, the pictures we have of our oldest children were taken after they had died. It just wasnt possible to take photos in the short time they lived. Some people find this morose, but to us, this is all we have left of their mortal images. Everyone who dies is someone's child... Perhaps those people just want one more picture.
Nod, that's not what I said! You asked me if you thought they'd serve something as simple as hot dogs at the Mom's (future and not to be held for a long time) funeral, and I said "If they do, I'll ask them to hold the relish." "HOLD THE RELISH", not "HOLY RELICS" Sheesh, show some respect, will ya?
And a closed casket? But we'll want to see the purple hair!
LarryD and Nod- On the off chance that I somehow become much holier than I am now, y'all have permission to shave my head and hand out all the purple relics your little pea-pickin' hearts desire.
Michele- The pictures of your babies are beautiful (as I've told you in the past. I like them.). I get them. It's the laid out in a coffin, make-up on the face, fake look of it that I find weird. Somehow there is a difference between a photo of parents with their children and a body in a casket. Or maybe it's just me who thinks so.
Hmmm, I don't know. I don't know of anyone who's done it, except for those who had children die (and then I've seen the pictures in the casket). I am not creeped out by it, but I think it might be a personality thing. I can imagine many people who would be creeped out.
I know some people not only don't want pictures to be taken, but also don't want an open casket at all. To me, I like the closure that a viewing brings. But, that's just me and I can't explain why.
Great question, though!
We took pics at my grandpa's funeral to show my grandma who was too sick to attend.
Also my 26 yo friend who passed away suddenly had a few funeral goers taking pics. I just didn't think much of it. When it is the last moments you will see your own child's body - you are entitled to do what you want.
Grief is such a personal thing.
I think everyone is striving to feel at peace and get through the experience. Others should try to be more tolerant.
1. People who didn't get to the viewing enabled to see what you're talking about, or achieve closure.
2. Documentation of unhappiness with embalming work.
3. Documentation of pride in beautiful coffin, embalming, and funeral, and general respect paid to the deceased.
4. Completists like my mother, who took pictures of her father's cadaver at all stages of embalming at the funeral home they'd let her. She doesn't believe in Too Much Information, and she does believe in watching her own operations as they unfold. It's probably a form of control or facing fear, but mostly it's a love of data and knowing what's going on.
I have seen and even participated in the same picture taking as you describe (didn't take the pics, but had family pics taken beside the body) and I have to say it doesn't creep me out at all.
I think it's a final attempt at remembering the loved one. One last goodbye and probably a strong attempt at "closure" I esp get it when it's young people who have passed.
I think it's just another way of recording for posterity.
Was this in the South by chance? My protestant and deep South family (mother's side) always did this. They also have "decoration day" or "homecoming", also a deep South tradtion, where they go have family reunions and decorate the cemetaries during the month of May. My mom took me to one and there was more than one instance of someone pulling out a picture of good ole Uncle Al laid out in his coffin.
Other than that, I have no clue.
My dad's family does this...mom's doesn't. I have not got a CLUE behind why they do it.
Grandma used to have the pictures of her brothers' funeral hanging on the walls (til she had too many grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and had to decide just which frames would go where).
My mom's side of the family did this...my grandmother particularly. We always found it creepy, but I think mixing the casket pictures in with the regular family photos is the creepiest part.
I always had a theory that it was a custom that held over from the days when casket pictures were sometimes needed to identify bodies of those who lived away from their loved one. My mom's family were mountain folk and they had lots of outdated traditions/rituals that had become meaningless once they moved to the city. For instance, my mother was forbidden from bathing during her period; I figured that was a hold over from everyone sharing one tub of water. And you don't want to know how much turpentine she consumed as a child.
LarryD and Nod- On the off chance that I somehow become much holier than I am now, y'all have permission to shave my head and hand out all the purple relics your little pea-pickin' hearts desire.
See? This is why we love you so. Thanks!
Based on nothing but a gut feeling, I'd say that it's got an inverse relationship to the probability of there being a wake.
My ex-husband's dad's cousin (hopefully that makes sense) did/does this and everyone who saw them thought it was weird.
I had never seen it done before my own dad's funeral but during the calling hours and before the general public started to arrive to pay their respects, my mother sheepishly came up to me and whispered, "would it be improper to just get one last picture of him before the casket closes forever?" I admit that I had a momentary "ick" moment but of course honored my mother's request. I took a close up of his hands holding a rosary my mother had made and then one more standing way back to get the whole casket. She takes the pictures out every now and then and just looks at them. It's been 5 months since Dad passed away and I think Mom just needs the occasional, uhh...reminder?...that his funeral really did happen.
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