A friend of mine (mom of 7) and I (mom of 6) were talking this morning about babies and pregnancies and those emotional phone call we have made to each other as we waited for pregnancy test results and the mixed emotions either way.
As moms of big families, we feel a pressure from our social circle to always be thrilled with each pregnancy test the moment that it is positive. We're pro-life and somehow that should translate into pro-baby-right-now, but it doesn't always. I don't know how to explain the sinking feeling of a positive pregnancy test on a tired an overwhelmed mother. The joy of expectation follows within moments, but that first gulping breath of fatigue.....
My friend and I have been each other's support as those tests were first looked at. We've listened over the phone to the slow exhale. We've said "I'm so sorry" as the tears welled in each other's eyes. It's never the baby we're sorry for, but the crush of responsibility on an already burdened life. What else can you say when what seemed like not a bad possibility 2 weeks ago seems insurmountable now?
As the tears dry and reality sets in, a bubble of joy rises up from within the middle of us, and moments after we said "I'm sorry" we begin to laugh as we say "Woo-hoo! Congratulations!" But it would be wrong to pretend that the sorrow was not there too, or that a negative test would not have brought a measure of relief.
Our way of life is so often condemned by the world, that we put up a united front and pretend that no child is ever a burden, but we are human and sometimes they are...even if it is only for a moment...even if it longer than that.
Mothers of large families are not super-human. We don't have more patience. We don't have more of anything than anyone else. We simply have allowed God to be in charge of our lives....the whole of our lives...No matter how scary that can sometimes be, and the rest of the world needs to know that it sometimes is.