Lately a lot of people seem to be making assumptions about what we will do for #3's schooling next year. The homeschoolers seem to think that this year was a total disaster and those with children in school think we'll be enrolling everyone next year because it has to have been so much easier. They're both wrong.
He'll be home next year because the whole school system just seems wrong to us. We're his parents, but are expected to surrender any control of him and/or his education the moment he sets foot on campus. Let's just start with the fact that we get no say in which campus he attends. (He's special ed due to vision issues, so private school is not an option. They don't have the resources to help him.) There are other schools and other teachers who would have been easier to work with, more eager to help him, but we are required to send him to the school in our neighborhood. He got the teacher to whom he was assigned. We didn't get to interview her, ask for her credentials, assess her abilities in any way. She gets a paycheck from the school district, so we're supposed to just accept that as good enough for us.
It's not. I wouldn't allow the neighbor's son to mow my lawn without asking for references and experience before hiring him, but we're required to hand our son and his education over to someone we know less that the lawn boy.
Maybe this makes us control freaks, maybe it means that we're overbearing or domineering...but I don't think so. I think it means that we are parents, that we love our child, that we know his challenges and want the people who work with him to be people we would hire and for them to realize that we don't want to turn him over to them.
I'll give you an example....the other night, I took him out for pizza and met a man while standing in line who has worked with my son at the school. He seemed like a nice guy, but I had no idea who he was. He introduced himself as the guy who pulls my son out of class when he gets distracted and can't focus on his work. I had no idea this was happening. Let me repeat that....A man I've never met before now gets called in when my son is having a bad day. He removes him from the teachers I know, the place I assume he is. For an undetermined period of time, he calms my child down (I'm not sure what that even means) and then returns him to class...AND NO ONE HAS TO TELL ME ABOUT IT. No phone calls. No notes. Nothing.
He smiled at my incredulity and said, "He just has problems focusing sometimes. I help him fix that."
I gulped, tried to control my wrath toward the school and system that has broken my trust so many times in the past. "Literally," I said, "He has problems with his eyes. Is that what you mean? His vision gets bad and he needs to rest them so you help him find a quiet place to rest his eyes?" I hope, I hope, I hope...
He looked a little lost. "He has eye problems?"
The stranger-to-me has no idea that my son has Convergence Insufficiency. He has no clue about his problems. As I asked questions, I learned that he takes him to his office and asks questions about his family and tries to find out what's bothering him. Heaven forbid he actually know something about him first.
He'll be home next year, because I'm his mom. His dad and I know what is wrong with him. We aren't interested in psychobabble to get to the bottom of things, because we know that he has medical issues that effect his scholastic abilities. We also know that he may need help that's not us. We just want to know who those people are, where they are with our children, what they're talking about while they're there, and what qualifies them to be there. We're bringing him home not because the whole thing has been a complete disaster, but because it could have been and we wouldn't have known anything about it until it was too late to stop it. We're his parents, and until we get to be the people in charge of his education in a school setting....we'll be keeping him at home. I know other people put their children in schools and they are happy with the results...they're a lot braver than I am.
19 comments:
I would have been livid. I may have even punched someone. Your restraint is admirable. :)
WOW, as I read this about your chance meeting with the man in the pizza place I had a look of pure disgust on my face (according to Vince). You are so right that things could have been a complete disaster. Good for you and your husband! I admire your level head and your ability to provide for your childrens' needs. -Loretta
You are right to be mad (I say this as someone who has worked in Special Education for public schools). There is NO reason a child should be removed from the classroom and then the parents not informed.
I'm so sorry your experiences have been so bad. It isn't supposed to be that way. And if I were in your shoes, I'd be homeschooling again next year too.
Pardon my language, but I'd be pissed. Some one pulling my son out of class? Not familiar with his needs? Just basically chatting with him? First off, who is the admin that thought this was a good idea? What the heck is the teacher doing during all this? And who is this guy? Guidance counselor? The janitor?
You give voice to why we are homeschooling... We plan on exposing them to a few hours of Montessori preschool (2 hours, 3 days a week) to help them make friends in the neighborhood and to help mesh the Montessori method into their lives a little more, but homeschooling the rest of the days (and the afternoon of those 3 mornings) will continue to be our norm. As it will with primary school.
I'm mad for you!
So well said. My you are BETTER than me by about a million degrees.
URGHHHH.
I don't know if brave is the right word.... WOW!
Yep. 'Sounds horrible. I would have been furious too. Homeschooling def. sounds like the best option instead of "dingbats in charge" at the school he's in. Good grief.
Would you e-mail me at danya_marvin@yahoo.com when you get a chance?
Ridiculous. Good education means a partnership with parents. Good teachers would kill to have a parent like you. communication is clearly a mess at the school your son attends, but I know that is a larger issue not just there, but in education in general. I, again, am so sorry for the ridiculous experience.
Ask your son more about these visits.
Also ask to see his records/transcripts...since you are moving out of state of course >wink<
School counselors can stir a calm pot.
Love ya!
♥♥♥
Ditto anoynmous, school couselors can sometimes see mountains when it's just anthills!
This makes me want to cry. Your child isn't my child, and I feel succor punched.
Some people are braver than you. Some people just have the "correct" last name or family connections (meaning they are catered to). Some people are unaware or think that "it" is good enough for... Some parents just don't care. Thank God you none of the above.
I think you're brave, too. You know I did not have a good experience with the private school we sent our 3 sons to for one year, and we don't have the issues you have to deal with. I think maybe you have to work through this challenge at home when the school will not or cannot do the job you asked them to do. I hope you have a great homeschool experience in Texas!
L.
Love this post adn I'd be furious!!!! I'm with you 100%! We are big advocates of homeschooling!
Speechless and livid. I don't know what to say to this. Unacceptable.
Hi,
I enjoy your blog very much and I am so glad that you will be keeping your son home next year. I homeschool my 4 children and 3 of my 4 have needed significant speech therapy. I have never used the public schools. Instead my husband and I chose to use the university model instead. I found universitys that offer speech pathology degrees. These universities have clinics in them that are supervised by professionally certified speech pathologists and staffed with graduate student speech clinicans.
We have had nothing but postive experiences with these clinics(3 in 3 different states over 9 years time.) I tell you this so maybe after you move you could look into getting your son services at a nearby university. I know that the universities that we used also had many different special education programs.
In Christ,
Cathy
Just found your blog through your comment on Father Longenecker's blog. I'm a homeschooling (former--they're mostly grown) mom of six who is now working in a large church daycare and who is considering converting to Catholicism after a lifetime in Independent Fundamentalism. Okay....introductions out of the way....
I just have to say, I have a lot of thoughts swirling through my mind on this one. Please try to keep an open mind as you decide what to do with your son. Maybe there are some things that need to be addressed regarding his behavior.
I work with a 4 yo who is going to be tested on the autism spectrum at some point. Yes, I say he will be....but right now it is extremely difficult to get the mother on board with seeing that anything is amiss. The mother probably hasn't always known that I take her son out of his classroom for 1/2 of an hour so that he teacher can have a few calm moments to have circle time with the class. She is extremely difficult to talk to--she leaves her sunglasses on and cries a lot. I often wonder what the mom thinks is going on with this child in the classroom. There are many services that are available to her son, but she has not taken our assessment paperwork to her pediatrician because she doesn't think there is a problem. She also works very hard to defend every behavior we notice. The kid is a really great kid--very smart--but he needs lots of help with social skills. I grieve for the lost time because the parents are in denial and defensive. For whatever reason, the mother really cannot hear what we are telling her about her son. And her attitude has effectively shut down most communication from the school to her now.
I hope your situation isn't anything like this. I hope you aren't taking your child out of a situation where he would qualify for and receive professional services that he could really use. I hope you are not reacting to the situation to the detriment of your child. Try to reopen the lines of communication with them. Surely there is someone there who cares about what is going on with your son. Homeschooling is great, but it tends to delay help for the child who really needs it.
Blessings to you and your family.
Mom of Six in Georgia
Anonymous,
It's so obvious that you haven't read this blog before now. May I suggest that you start here http://shovedtothem.blogspot.com/2010/11/aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrr.html and work your way backwards?
We have had an ongoing battle with the school to get him the help he needs, and they have fought us at every opportunity. The only experts he is seeing are the independent ones we have had to hire on our own. Public schooling (in our experience) is horrendous and we won't be re-trying this experiment in the future.
Here's the link to his diagnosis http://shovedtothem.blogspot.com/2010/11/answers-at-last.html
and our insane quest for an IEP and a cup of ice http://shovedtothem.blogspot.com/2010/11/lie-that-teachers-tell.html
Love this post! Although I am so sorry you've had to go through this. I think it's fair to say that most home schooling parents are *more* aware of their children's educational needs than anyone else. This is so different than refusing help from concerned public school experts. Another mother I know with several children who have special needs has to fight tooth and nail to get any help from their local public school system. A lot of the time they just come home with no proof they've done any real school work - just busy work that keeps them occupied while the other kids get an education. Sorry, I am rambling. It's just that the public ed system has so many issues.
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