I couldn't fall asleep last night. My sweet Computer Guy had returned to Oklahoma to oversee the last of his office's move. That meant I spent the night alone in the house with the 6 children.
I laid in bed last night, unable to relax, listening to all the sounds of the new house and asking with each one "house, child, or something else?" I thought about how soundly and easily I sleep when my husband is here and how much I trust him to keep us safe. I hadn't even noticed the house noises at all until he wasn't here, then it became my job to listen and they kept me up.
I'm a little in awe of how easily he wears that mantle of responsibility. When I'm in charge, I mentally count the steps from myself to every child. I plan escape routes and double check doorknobs. I put my phone on the nightstand in case I should need to call for help. I figured out where my husband had put our guns and put them in a place where I could reach them faster and easier, because if someone comes through the door, I'm not looking for a step stool.
It was only once I knew where the guns were, and that I could protect us all if needed, that I started to relax. I'm not a big woman, and I can't take anyone in a fight, but I'm a darn good shot. I've had gun rights discussions with many people who say that the very idea of weapons makes them nervous I get their point, but disagree. The guns in our house are an equalizer between my size (or my teenager who's also a damn fine marksman) and anyone who might come through that door. I slept a little easier last night knowing that size doesn't matter and that I can protect my children. I've been told by anti-gun people that I could call 911 in case of an emergency, and they're right, but how much damage would be done before help got here? I guess I'm Texan enough to know that I can handle any bad guys I meet, and I'll call 911 to tell them where to collect the remains.
I'm ready for my husband to come home tonight so that I can again sleep easy, but if he's held up, I take comfort in knowing that I can easily fill his shoes.