I have recently come to the inevitable conclusion that I attract crazy. I send out a signal like a homing beacon and draw it to me.
A few weeks ago when I was couch shopping, this woman sat down next to me on the sofa I eventually purchased. I was just waiting for the saleslady to bring me the total bill including delivery when this voice next to me said "Do you see the guy I'm with? I know everybody thinks he's my first husband, but he's not. He's my second. He's the twin brother of my first husband which is what confuses people." She went on to regale me with the tale of how she's unsure which brother is the father of her 10 year old son, but could I please not tell her husband that? The new one or the old one, please....although she's not sure where the first one is as he went to Mexico 10 years ago and never came back.........and it got weirder and I just kept hoping for the saleslady to return so I could leave.
But they find me, the crazy people...we're weirdly drawn to each other. Like last week when the two little boys and I went to the preschool playgroup in our neighborhood. There were 15 moms there, and probably 12 of us had driven over (it's 100+ degrees out there, I'm driving everywhere). I was sharing my story of the furniture store when someone started beating on the front door. Not knocking y'all, beating. The hostess looked out her front window and exclaimed "How weird! That's my neighbor. I've been living here for 3 years and he's never even said hello to me." (That's because he's crazy.) She had barely opened the door when he started yelling "I'd like to know whose black SUV is parked in front of my house! You need to move it because I never said you could park in front of my house!" Clearly a lunatic. Also, clearly my car. 12 women parked on the street. What're the odds that I'll be the one in front of the crazy man's house? 100%
Everywhere I go, I get the waitress who decides to share the intimate secrets of that thing she did last week that she didn't even tell her best friend...in explicit detail, or the man who was abducted by aliens on Tuesday and shares the details with me as we're standing in the grocery checkout line (btw, eyeball probes do not sound fun). I encounter the person who drank poison and lived to tell the tale, and the woman who swore to me that she's a psychic and I'm the reincarnation of some French Jewish woman she knew in WWII and the birthmark on my head is exactly where her friend was shot. (fabulous.)
I'm not sure why the crazies come to me. I try to avoid eye contact with anyone even slightly strange lest I hear more about their one night stand with the ghost of Elvis than I ever wanted to know. It doesn't matter. They tap my shoulder to get my attention and then launch right into it, and my mama raised me with too many manners to just rudely walk away no matter how bizarre it gets.
My husband read some post apocalyptic novel a few months back and mused out loud how unsafe the world would be with unchecked craziness on the loose. He can worry all he wants, but I know we'll be just fine. The crazies love me. I draw them in like bugs to a porch light and they adore me. Other people can fret over what ifs, but if that ever happens the loonies will come to me and I will be their queen.
16 comments:
Whoa! I wonder what it is that sends them your way? Maybe God is just prompting you to pray for them, cuz that seems to be what they need. I could be your own special charism. Still weird, though!
Where the above reads "I could be your own special charism" the "I" should be an "It". Wanted to clear that up. LOL!
Maurisa - I'm thinking it must be my aura which I've been told is a pulsating variation of violet-blue, hot pink and orange. I'm not sure that's right though, the lady who checked me out at the bread store could be totally wrong about that.
Oh my gosh, you have a gift!! Ha ha! Not necessarily one that you would wish for…
The last line cracked me up!
I have a friend who is the exact same way! He attracts crazies everywhere. Random people just come up and talk to him all the time. Things got really interesting when he went with us to Mardi Gras several years ago.
Then there are the readers like Joe and Nod...the crazies come to your blog, too!
My daughter attracts people with developmental delays. She was a special ed teacher before she had her kids, and everywhere she goes they find her. Sometimes children, sometimes adults. She and I are always amazed. Not only do they find her, they swarm to her.
I used to have a little bit of that power, in college...in the years since I have become significantly more hostile and less approachable, and now I very rarely get the crazies. While normal people claim (sometimes) that I don't seem any more unkind or unpleasant or impatient than I was ten years ago, the crazies are clearly better attuned. And they clearly can tell that you're STILL a nice person. Though that doesn't explain about your car. (I would have told him that he has no legal right to police the public street just because it's in front of his home, but I bet you moved the car, didn't you? So, maybe he knew, after all.)
Misfit - I did move my car. It was easier than letting him rant at a roomful of women and preschoolers.
LarryD - I think you forgot yourself when you were making that list.
C'mon, only crazy people forget themselves.
I have a good friend who attracts the crazies too. I never have a problem when I am on my own. But when we are together, nutty people come out of the woodwork. It is a great source of fun for me, not so much for her as she has to live with it daily.
HAHAHA!! Love it. Maybe you could start a network, so the crazies can get in touch with each other. Then maybe they'll leave you alone. ;)
So that's why I like to read your blog!
Queen. LOL. Love it! My best friends gets the kind of people you attract. My daughter attracts toddlers. (She's always afraid of getting accused of trying to steal one, because they run to her, cling, and don't want to go back to parents.) I attract the people who talk nonstop or the ones everyone else ignores. Who knows why? Maurisa is correct, tho. We should pray for those with problems.
We are kindred spirits! This happens to me all the time (including the waitress stories... usually involving things like the last boyfriend and the Guy She's With Now).
I always believe it's people seeing Christ in me, and my gift to them is to share Him.
(And my husband mostly sits back and laughs at me, b/c he can't believe how much it happens!)
I'm with you. We could be sistas. I ordered pizza two days ago from a local place and the angry,bitter woman on the other end proceeded to tell me about her no good, rotten, louse of a husband who left her and three kids and took the only car that ran. I patiently explained I only wanted pizza and would they deliver. I guess that was a no. Asking for them to honor the $5 special was clearly out of the question, too. Hmmmm, either I too attract the looney tunes like bugs to a zapper or it was a brilliant marketing ploy.
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