What is it about weddings that they seem to breed drama? Is it the pageantry? The emotions involved? Something more? Do weddings manufacture their own turmoil?
We have spent the last week trying to stay afloat in the rising tide of chaos that is a family wedding. There have been tears, recriminations, hurt feelings, and anger. It just seems so unnecessary.
Marriage is an institution created by God for the good of mankind. Weddings are an institution created mostly by women which, I fear, will be the death of us all.
Beautiful weddings create lovely photographs, but they don't necessarily produce happy unions. In addition, the lovely pictures in the books never tell the whole story. They don't show the emotional bridezilla, the controlling mother, the in laws who wail in the pews, the anger and hurt which seem to have become such a part of what should be a holy and peaceful day.
A wedding should be about love and joy. It should be more about the blessings of Almighty God on the joining of two lives and less about the flowers, the photographer, the unattainable perfection of just one day. It instead becomes about control, power, and pageantry. It becomes a spectacle and then the point of it all is lost.
I find that the older I get, the less interest I have in the weddings themselves. They can be fun parties, but more often they are tiresome social obligations. I am much more intrigued to watch the marriage. I find joy in watching people grow together. I like to catch the little looks between people who no longer have to say a word to each other to convey whole sentences. I like to see the bride who is still glowing years after her wedding day. I like to see the groom whose wife of 50 years turns him again into a smitten young man.
Weddings have a place in our society for celebrating the continuation and coming together of family. They are an acknowledgement of the importance of that central union in a family. Somehow, we seem to lose sight of the purpose when we start arguing over the shade of pink in a flower girl's dress, the kind of jewelry attendants are "allowed" to wear, whether or not we have been seated at as nice a table as that nasty cousin we've never liked, and whether or not Emily Post's rules have been followed to the letter.
Please don't misunderstand, I do like the idea of weddings just not the angst that surrounds them. They just don't interest me as much as the story that will follow after them. I'd just rather hear about the "Happily Ever After" than the "Once Upon A Time."
18 comments:
I'm with you. I have seen some extravagant weddings...only to (sadly) see the marriages end all to quickly.
I hope my kids will have a simple and holy Nuptial Mass and a simple reception. It worked for their dad and me. :)
Agreed! We were so happy to keep ours tiny, focused on the sacrament of marriage, and absent of the Hoopla!.....
This is why 8 years ago we had a small ceremony in my parents back yard with lunch to follow in the side yard with our family and closest friends. We focused on the fact that God was mysteriously taking two separate people and making us into one. I have never regretted not having a huge ceremony and lavish party afterwards. We had a wonderful time and so did all of our guests.
Marriage is an institution created by God for the good of mankind. Weddings are an institution created mostly by women which, I fear, will be the death of us all.
I love you for this comment! So on target.
Every time I hear that, "It's the BRIDE'S day, " or worse yet, a bride saying that it's "HER" day (interchangable with, "the day is abou ME!"), I want to scream.
Oh, I can sympathize... I think it's especially difficult when you're Catholic, but your extended family isn't, and you have to deal with the drama that goes with your family's decision not to attend invalid weddings.
To me, it's a matter of not throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Weddings should be a big deal because marriage is a big deal. I don't care if it's lavish or simple - both styles have their merits depending on the circumstances... and often times, a lavish wedding doesn't cost as much as you might think (speaking as one who had what only *appeared* to be a costly wedding). But yeah, the big "to do" should always be pointing back to the greater meaning of it all. It's only when that gets lost do lavish weddings feel empty to me. (Says the formerly Protestant lady who gets sensitive when people criticize the "lavishness" of the Catholic faith and Mass and who loves being part of an often "grand" religion).
p.s. Sorry if I sound grumpy. I just got news today that one of my siblings, to my shock, is divorcing her husband. Of all my sibs (there are 7 of us), this couple had by far the most simple, down to earth wedding compared to the rest of us. But yeah, you make good points regarding unnecessary drama, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with all that drama right now. No fun. :(
The best compliment I received at my wedding was when a friend's mom told me she could tell we spent our time planning for the marriage as opposed to the wedding. I suppose I could have taken offense to that comment but I knew what she meant and it was true. ;) Besides we had enough people tell us how much fun our wedding was that I think we struck the right balance!
Provided you allow dissenting opinions on your blog, the whole wedding is about the bride and groom starting their life together. Family drama needs to be put aside and all family members should gather around to support this wonderful beginning. It appears obvious that there is a wedding in your family this weekend and you have chosen to boycott it. Rather than reduce the drama you have added stress to the happy couple and have increased the negative drama surrounding the whole event. Perhaps you should be honest with your loyal readership as to the true reason for not attending this wonderful event.
I really enjoyed reading this post. My husband and I had a simple wedding that didn't require a lot of time and headaches to plan. Sometimes I see photos from other people's weddings and I get to feeling wistful, wishing that we'd had a bigger "bash." Thank you for the reminder that what we're living out each day -- our marriage -- is what truly matters! (I mean no disrespect to couples who have large weddings, many of which are beautiful and holy and wonderful in every way. I'm just glad that we didn't focus more on the wedding day than the marriage life. Sadly, that seems to happen a fair amount these days.)
Dear Anonymous,
Congratulations on justifying every decision made about this weekend. Thank you for removing any lingering doubt that was in my mother's mind.
Hugs and kisses,
Kid #1
Anonymous, I am baffled as to how from her post you would make such assumptions. Not knowing anything about whatever situation you are referencing, I would assume possibly The Mom was referencing the unfortunate breakup of the JLo and Mark Anthony marriage and the news coverage of what the world has assumed to be such a "tragic" situation or something similar. I find it unfortunate that you would choose to launch such a personal attack in such a public forum, assume no one would call you out, and not understand that this woman is loved. She is supported, and adored- for EXACTLY who she is. Some of us are very privileged to have known her for a long time- we know who she is and we still think she is WONDERFUL. Those who care about others and truly want the world to be a better place choose to handle these types of matters privately. I pray that you would consider that next time.
Wonderful and thoughtful writing, and full of wisdom! It is sad when family drama rears it's ugly head at what should be a holy celebration of the joining of two families. Sometimes hard decisions need to be made out of love and respect for God and others. At my wedding my husband did not invite his own father because he walked out on his own family and married his mom's best friend. He rightly felt that it would be hypocritical to invite him to a celebration of our marriage and family when he destroyed his own out of lust. Love to you, Mom. -Loretta
Oh, one more thought. We also did not include Vin's father (or his current wife) because we wanted his mom to enjoy the day with us and have peace and joy at our wedding and we knew how very painful it would be for his mother (who stood by him and the family) if his father and wife were their goading about how happy they were. It is never in good taste to hurt others, especially publicly. -Loretta
Find Real Estate Agents
http://usareagents.com/
Real estate firms What is the meaning of Real Estate Broker or Real Estate Agent? A real estate broker is a term in the United States and real estate agent in Canada that describes a party who acts as an intermediary between sellers and buyers of real estate or real property and attempts to…
Growing up in my very large extended family in TX, weddings were always about God as well as family. Everyone was invited and everyone was expected to be polite & respectful because the day belonged to the bride and groom not to the drama of who didn't get along. I have been to many a wedding where feuding family members spoke for the first time in years & resolved their differences. God works in mysterious ways a person just has to listen.
As the 1/2 sister of "Mom" I was invited to attend our brother's wedding this past weekend. Our other brother was officiant and it was a beautiful event and God was very much present. In the over 10 years I have been a member of "Mom's" family we have never met. I was looking forward to the 4 children of our father getting together and getting to know one another for the first time. So far I have heard 3 different reasons for "Mom's" decision not to attend our brother's wedding and none of them had to do with God. Two of them had to do with me. I can only assume she doesn't want to meet me. A woman she has never met. I can deal with that. When Mom is ready to make that first contact she knows where to find me. This is the only contact information I have for her or I would never put an opinion in such a public forum.
As a good Catholic and Christian woman I can forgive her sudden decision not to attend an important family event and the hurt feelings it caused. I live in Tennessee now, this was more than likely the last chance we will have to get together as a family. The ball is now in her court, I tried.
--the older sister
"This is the only contact information I have for her or I would never put an opinion in such a public forum."
Older sister? Perhaps you missed the rather large "need to contact me?" button at the top of this page. It takes you to a private email that goes directly to Rebecca without posting here on a public forum as you claim you would never do. Just an FYI.
I find very funny that so many people who admittedly haven't spoken to you, Rebecca, in a very long time feel so comfortable coming to your blog to post what they perceive as your feelings and motives for the world to see. What I find even more hilarious is that because they don't have the near daily contact that I have been so blessed to have they have completely missed the point. Please, please dear people, READ the post. I know most of the references were to either her wedding, or my own (yes, I do in fact know this as we have discussed both ad nauseum as we face others weddings, which is a fairly typical female thing to do)
I am also privilaged to know that the event of my own brother's wedding this weekend and my own angst and stress over what was sure to be a dramatic event was a large part of the inspiration for this particular post. Sorry to burst your bubble. This time it's all about me.
Peace!
teachinmom
Dear Readers,
Unfortunately my family is incapable of behaving in public as is evidenced by their behavior here. I'm closing the comments on this post. I'm sorry it has come to this.
Rebecca
aka The Mom
Post a Comment