My life is not all glamor and wonder. I know. You're shocked.
Friday morning I took the kids to the store to buy Halloween costumes. Yup. I'm that organized. I totally blew it off until the Friday before trick-or-treating.
After standing in the costume aisle for close to 30 minutes waiting for my indecisive children to choose between Boba Fett and Spiderman, my sweet #5 scraped his shin on the shelf as he reached for a bloody pirate sword. (What? I wasn't going to let him get it. He's only 4. That's a costume accessory for a much more mature child..like 8.) He went into full meltdown and wail mode. He's loud, y'all...really loud...and people could hear him all over the store. We were starting to attract stares, whispers and unfavorable attention. I tried to scoop him up into my lap and console him, but he's heavy and I'm very pregnant. Ignoring my attempts to pick him up and calm him down, he resorted to the little-kid judo move called going-completely-limp.
I sighed heavily , braced my feet, hooked one arm around his chest and under his armpits and the other between his legs to hoist my limp and wailing son into the cart. I grabbed hold of the waistband of his jeans to get a grip when my son screamed out to me (and the people who were listening from the nearby rows.)
Hey, you! Let go of my pe.nis!!!!!!
I heard gasps (or thought I did) from my fellow shoppers. My face flamed red and I hurried the kids to the checkout with whatever costume happened to be in their hands at the moment. I swore once again to never go shopping with all the children at once...and to teach the 4 year old anatomy. Because I know where his junk is, and it's nowhere near his waistband.
12 comments:
OMGOSH!!!!!! You see, this is why I don't take all my small kids out alone!! Thanks for the reminder!!!
I think I heard his scream where I live, three states away.
If one of your children still needs a costume, he/she could just pin a homecoming mum on and be a walking corsage.
Happy Weekend!
Oh my goodness!!! I feel for you! And that going limp move is the WORST! Should I not admit I laughed out loud at what he said? I rarely actually "LOL" at stuff I read, but that got me ;)
I even read this to bill...So funny...!!! Omgosh! Is he going trick or treating???
OH, my gosh, this was so funny, mostly because It could totally have been me....only my girls wouldn't have yelled that particular word!
So sorry, and yet so glad you can blog and laugh about it now.
It only takes one reminder trip to any store with all the kiddos to refresh my memory as to why I don't take all of them to any store.
Sew - He is, but I'm going to beat him up and steal his candy.
Lena - It wouldn't be a costume here. It would just confuse people. "What school played football on a Monday night?"
lol!!!That is awesome!! not because it happen but because I'm not the only one that has been completely mortified at the store by a 3/4 year old.Ahh gotta love it!
Ahhh, great idea! LOL
Sorry. I laughed. Really hard. Then I read it to my husband.
My daughter, 2, recently announced to me in Home Depot-very loudly- "You don't have an udder, Mommy. But you still gots lotsa milk." I hurried to shush her and quietly agree, but she still felt the need to announce it again. The couple standing next to me was tittering.
I just laughed so hard soda came out of my nose.
My husband and I laughed out loud, too. (Too good not share!)
I have to say that when one of my children went limp during a temper tantrum is when I truly had to control myself. To this day (children grown and gone from home)just the thought of that makes me furious.
Sort of random and just a thought about the change in the last fifty years: In both my husband's family and mine, if one of us kids had done that to our mothers (approximately your grandmother's age now), no one in the whole family would have gotten to go trick or treating much less have gotten a costume. And, another random thought, I can only remember one store bought costume the whole time I was growing up. My husband never had one.
Post a Comment