Friday, October 7, 2011

Today's Moral Dilemma

This morning I logged onto our bank account to balance the check book when I saw over $300 in charges I know we didn't make.  In a couple hours of online shopping, according to the transaction time stamps, my check card shopped at 2 match making services, amazon, and proflowers.com.

I immediately called the bank and cancelled the card, then started calling the online retails since the charges were still pending to see if the transactions could be cancelled.  I didn't want to pay for the items which were charged to me and I didn't want the crook to get them in the mail.  There was no reason to reward his bad behavior.

My last call was to proflowers.com where I spoke with a flamboyant young man named Hunter.  He had a few choice words to say about people who steal credit card info and then told me that my card had been used to purchase 3 bouquets (all identical) for 3 different women.  He even read me the cards because as he said I had paid for them so there was no reason I couldn't know what I had purchased.  The three cards read:
Sierra,
I had a great time last night.  I can't wait to see you again.
James

L,
I'm looking forward to seeing you this weekend.  I have plans for us.
James

and

Katie,
I miss you so much.  I wish you were here.  I'm counting the days until I get my hands on you again.
James

Hunter and I laughed at the audacity of sending identical flowers to three different women who probably all thought they were "the one."  Then I had a brain storm.  "Hunter," I asked, "how hard would it be to switch around all the cards so they all go to the wrong girls?"

"I love you." His voice sang out.  "The orders haven't been precessed yet so it would be no problem at all.  Want me to do it?"

I really wanted to do it.  You have no idea how much I wanted to screw with this punk's dating life, but then I realized that the bank would lose the $150 that the flowers cost because they would have to eat the charges.

"No." I sighed.  "We'd better not.  It would be dishonest to send the flowers and not pay for them."

"You're a good person," my co-conspirator said.

There was a pause where we both sighed a little sadly.  Then he said, "I'm here until 4.  If you want to call back, I can give you my extension.  You won't send the flowers but I'll give you their addresses and maybe you could send them a little note."

"I think I love you, too." I told my new bff, and then I spent the day off and on composing my notes to these women in my head.  Hunter's still working for the next hour.  I could totally do it.  I'm thinking something simple like:
Dear _______,
Yesterday James decided to send you flowers which is really sweet except he stole my credit card to buy them and the identical bouquets he ordered for _________ and _________, so even though he's sending you flowers you're not the only one.  Luckily, I caught the charge before it went through but not before he also purchased a member ship at Christian Singles and Catholic Match.  He's not just into the three of you, he's still trying to meet other women. 

I just thought you should know the caliber of man you're dating.  We girls have to help look out for each other.

Better luck next time,
Rebecca
 What do you think?  Should I send it?  I would want to know if I were one of them.  On the other hand, he might be a loony who took more than just my credit card # and I don't want to invite crazy to my house.



****I sent the letters.  Anonymously.  From the Dallas post office.  I included the phone number for proflowers along with the cancelled transaction # so that they could verify what I told them.  I made sure to give them Hunter's extension.  He's my new bff after all!

30 comments:

JoAnna said...

Oh, you should totally do it. Also, ask them to send James' contact information to your local police department so that you can press charges.

Paul, just this guy, you know? said...

Yes. Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes.

Totally yes.

aka the Mom said...

JoAnna-
That part has already been done. proflowers was completely cooperative with the bank and the police but wouldn't give me James' info in case I decided to go get him myself.

JoAnna said...

Well, I hope he's arrested and prosecuted! My debit card number was stolen a few months ago, but the perpetrator was overseas (s/he tried to buy an airline ticket in the UK) so there wasn't much that could be done other than cancel the card and deny the charges.

Scottie said...

I have NEVER in my life met someone who has had their debit card stolen as much as you. What company has your info that you send them the new number every time? This has GOT to be the same person. It just doesn't make sense otherwise...

Yes send the notes- absolutely, James is not a moral or bright man and those (hopefully) ladies deserve better.

aka the Mom said...

Scottie- It has been stolen twice. The first time they were too clever to be caught until it had run for months. That time was a waiter at a restaurant.

This time it looks like it got picked up from amazon.com.

Maureen said...

yes, the punk deserves to be exposed

Sarah said...

Revenge can be a bittersweet thing. It is very tempting to say yes send the letters. But isn't it God's place to take care of such things. In my experience, women don't take it really well when informed that they have been deceived. Also, did the police arrest him? Because depending on what these women choose to do with the information, you might just be inviting crazy to your house. Just my opinion on the matter.

Jamie Jo said...

You should send it. Does he live in another state? If he's close maybe not....

I have a friend who used a Catholic dating service and she found out totally by accident that he was dating 3 others and told them all the same things. She called them and told them, then broke up with him and left it at that. They were all good christian young women, so sad.

Sarah said...

Um wow. As a woman who used to be on Catholic Match, I can say, it's REALLY sad the kind of lack of character I encountered on there (as well as good men too!).

I don't know what I would do. I'd be tempted to send it but yeah, it may invite crazy into the situation. Still, I'd want to feel like these ladies don't fall victim to a man like this.

MB said...

I don't think you should send the notes. Just putting my vote in the ring. I fear they would see you as having "sour grapes" that he'd stolen from you, and they wouldn't believe you, or just allow the hurt to blind them to the truth, and use this excuse to conveniently dismiss you. He doesn't sound very smart, he will probably do something to give himself away soon enough. I pray God's grace is made evident to all the people involved, including the thief.

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

Courage! Yes! Do it. They are entitled to the truth and it would be a severe mercy for the crook to be exposed. Maybe it will be the devastating catalyst to change his ways. And the girls will smarten up and not be duped or pining away.

I think truth telling here is the moral thing to do. I would do it.

LarryD said...

I agree with Leila. This isn't revenge - it's not as if you're taking his card and racking up charges on gay porn websites and inviting that sort of crazy into his life.

Besides - who knows what kind of diseases he's exposing these women to.

Not only that - if James has nabbed your card, who knows how many other victims are out there?

LarryD said...

*...who knows how many other fraud victims of his are out there?*

That's a bit more clearerer.

What does the Computer Guy say?

allyouwhohope said...

I don't have a vote on whether to send the letters or not, but I just wanted to say your phone call with the flower guy was hysterical! I can just picture it!! :)

Anonymous said...

I've never commented before, but I felt the need to on this post...I've been cheated on by someone that I thought loved me...and it's the worst feeling in the world to find out. But I am so glad that I did find out. I don't want to tell you what to do...but...you could potentially be saving one of these women from an STD or further heartbreak down the road by telling them now. It will be a horrible letter for them to get in the mail, but in the end, it will be way better to find out now.

Anonymous said...

Hi, yes, send the letter. That way the girls can dump the guy sooner than later.

Dating is so depressing.

Lena

Packrat said...

Isn't it just a horrible feeling to find out someone has stolen from you? SO sorry this happened again.

Yes, send the letters, but don't sign your real name. At least the girls/women will be forewarned.

Sad, pathetic loser of a male, but still makes me laugh. Aren't I horrible?

Foxfier said...

Might ask your husband to help you write the letters, and not put a return address on it. Maybe put an email in there-- a freebee email, at that.

I've been betrayed, too-- the sooner you find out, the better, and other folks' mention of STDs is also an important note.

I probably wouldn't put in the other womens' names, and I would mention how long I thought before writing, and why.

Sandra G. said...

Send the note - your note is pleasant, not mean at all - and as far as the flowers are concerned, you could have them send the note not the flowers so the bank doesn't get charged...and I love the gal's idea about getting the guy's address (if it's a real one) and turning it over to the cops. (They might be able to search by ISP, too.)

They have a right to know - my guess is that they have probably dates this kind of guy before, but...

melissatx said...

Ohhhhhh, guuuuuurrrrrl, I would SOOOOO do it. Include the number to the fraud hotline for the credit card and the cops for them to repay "James" in kind for his malfeasance and theivery. It isn't vengeance, it's the law. :P

karyn said...

What did you end up doing??? Just read this today. I hope you sent the letters - I agree with the concern about diseases that the women might be exposed to. Or the heartbreak.

elizabeth said...

mwa ha ha ha..
i hope you sent the letters.
creep.

Brenda said...

I hope you sent them! Admonish the sinner:)

amanda said...

I am joining this conversation late but I sure hope you sent those young women the message. We need to hear it stated clearly that such behavior is BAD and not what someone should tolerate in a date, mate or friend.

This James could possibly slip through the legal system without real consequences but this will always come back on him. Hopefully he'll learn the lesson.

I don't think you'll get any trouble back.

Terri said...

As a mom of 2 girls and 2 boys, all in their early thirties.(And have all had their share of "bad boy" or "bad girl sweethearts") SEND THE LETTERS!!!!!
My warnings didn't work, their friends warnings didn't work...seeing through the eyes of strangers did!

They won't believe their best friend, but they will believe a total stranger!!!!

(Actually, I didn't warn them. I invited their "friend" to everything I could think of...dinner, church, cookie making, just watching tv. I fed them and pretended to really enjoy them. My kids got disgusted and dropped the friend)

elizabeth said...

terri- that is SO smart! i am storing that idea away for the not too distant future.

Christine Falk Dalessio said...

Agree with allyouwhohope- can Hear the phone conversation and would have loved to have been in on it... Those women do deserve the truth. Hopefully, they all have some other signs and know what they've gotten themselves into.
And - ugh- you need a more secure card!

elizabeth said...

WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!

Anonymous said...

Glad you sent the letters and did it anonymously.

Lena