What Kind of Crazy Do You Take Me For?

Whenever #7 and I leave the house to run errands, I do most of the running and she rides along happily in her sling.  She snuggles in and snoozes while the grandmothers we pass sigh in appreciation and a bit of envy at the sight of the little pink bundle which I am privileged to get to carry.  But yesterday...yesterday three different women at different times came up to me to take a peek and all three jumped when #7 grunted and moved in her sleep.

"Oh my goodness!" They exclaimed. "I thought that was a doll in there!"

Really?  I'm a grown woman.  There are no other children with me.  Why on earth would I be toting a baby doll around in a sling?  Am I giving off that kind of aura of crazy?  Look at me from the side....do I look crazy to you?

3 1/2 Time-Outs Tuesday #2

When you're not cool enough for 7 on Friday.

1.

It's still Christmas, y'all.  Are you still celebrating?  We're taking a vacation from school until after the Feast of Epiphany on the 6th of January.  

We've invited the neighbors for dinner on the 6th to celebrate the 12th day of Christmas.  I'm working on a menu but am having a hard time finding partridges or calling birds.  Do you have any menu suggestions?

2. 

This Advent, I had the great honor of praying for JoAnna from A Star of Hope.   She has a sweet new baby for Christmas this year, which made it such a joy to pray for her and her family.  All my middle of the night feedings, and quite a few daytime ones, were spent in prayer for her.  I love those quiet night-time hours for prayer, don't you?

3.

For Christmas, the brilliant Computer Guy had the last year of my blog printed in a hard-back book.  It somehow seemed so much more meaningful when I saw it in book form instead of on the computer.  This blog is many things, but one of the most important is a record of our family and of my babies growing up.

3 1/2.

 Then, just for fun (and because he knew I'd love it) he gave me a rhinestone crocodile.  Oh how I love that man!  

 Isn't it fabulous?  I have the best husband ever!!!!

Merry Christmas!

A very merry Christmas from our house to yours!

L to R: #4, #6, #1, #7, #5, #3, and #2

and the obligatory baby photo:

#7 in her Christmas dress

What She's Taught Them

Sweet #7 is warm and snuggly and wonderful to hold and cuddle.  Her siblings fight with each other for the chance to let her curl up in their arms and nap.  She has no idea who they are.

She looks long and hard at each face with a definite "Who the heck are you?" look snarling across her delicate features.  I'm not sure if she has bad eyesight or a short attention span (Squirrel!), but she can't seem to place any of us.  I'm not exempt from her puzzled scrutiny.  Sure she recognizes parts of me instantly, but she looks at my face and seems to think "You look awfully familiar to me.....I just can't quite remember where I've seen you before....Remind me, what was your name again?"

It's amazing that a person living in a house populated by strangers can trust us so completely.  If she can't quite recall our faces, she at least knows that nothing bad has ever happened to her here, and there seems to be a surplus of love.  This is the lesson she brought with her, all tied up in a sweet pink bow.  She is teaching my other children (and her parents, too) what it means to love someone completely and selflessly and to expect nothing in return.

She hasn't yet developed the ability to truly love anyone back, but they certainly adore her.  They don't get a smile in return.  There are no kind words, no hugs or kisses.  In fact, she's not always even nice.  A warm embrace is just as likely to be greeted with her loudly filling her diaper or screaming for no particular reason as it is to be met with a contented and sighing baby.  They don't seem to care.  She's showing them that loving someone means accepting the disgusting and unpleasant parts, too.  They know that she won't even be grateful for their care, but they wipe her spit-up covered chin anyway. They eagerly fend off the grabbing arms of younger brothers because "I just got a chance to hold her....."

Last night, my 10 year old stroked his sister's hair and sighed, "I just love her so much, Mom.  Do you think she loves me?"

I brushed his hair aside and, kissing his forehead, replied, "not yet, sweetheart, but give her time."

He leaned over and kissed her cheek, then told me, "That's okay.  I'll wait.  I'll wait forever."  And his mother smiled.


They are learning about perfect love, the kind of love God has for them. She is their specially chosen gift and their perfect Catechism lesson just in time for Christmas....and God was clever enough to wrap it all up in such a cute package that they not only willingly learn this lesson, they fight for the chance .

3 1/2 Time-Outs Tuesday (Vol 1)

Because my life isn't interesting enough for seven on Friday with Jen, and because I count LarryD among my close friends.

1. The Computer Guy wass hunting this week in West Texas in a remote area with no cell phone access, so of course this is the moment when our 4 year old trips over a toy an whacks his head on the wall splitting it open.

Head wounds bleed. A lot.  I'd heard that, but didn't understand the truth of it until I saw my son with blood dripping from his ear and soaking his sweater.  The wall upstairs looked like a murder scene, and #5 definitely looked like the victim.

I'm proud of my ability to hold it together in front of children who lose it a bit at the sight of blood, and even to be cool as I held #5 as the doctor stapled his head back together.

My husband is no longer allowed to leave me alone with the children.  This was definitely a "dad thing".  War wounds and blood should be left to the men.  Is it sexist?  Yes, but in this case I don't mind being the fairer sex.

2.  I've discovered that I can not be trusted with the Christmas cookies for longer than a 48 hour period.  I love them too much for that.  My post-baby weight loss has definitely taken a hit in the last week.  I need to find people who need cookies so that I can get these things out of my house.

3. I left the planning of #7's Baptism gown up to my mother in law.  She never got to dress a baby girl and was so excited to get to plan it all.  I can't wait to see what she comes up with.  It will be completely different from what I would have chosen, but even more special because of that.  I'll keep you posted.

3.5  I really want to like Newt Gingrich as a presidential candidate.  I would be delighted to have him for a dinner guest as I'm sure he's fascinating.  (He's one of my favorite authors.) I'm not sure about voting for

One month old

I'm not sure how she can be a month old already, but the calendar says it's true.

6 Years from Freedom

12 years ago this Friday, our #2 was born.  We had what we were told was the perfect family, "one of each," and we readily agreed.  As the final lines of a poem which was penned by a coworker of the Computer Guy's ended:

"....Oh what joy, 

you have a boy! 

And so what fun 

now that you're done!"

We were done.  We were certain of it.  There was a boy for him and a girl for me, and what more could we want for our family? 

I talked to my OB/GYN about getting my tubes tied.  We were positive, I assured him that we didn't want any more children.  He counseled that we wait and discuss it a while longer.  My husband and I were in out early 20s and that sweet baby boy was home after6 weeks in the NICU, but he was far from healthy.  If he died, the doctor pointed out (a real possibility), then we might want to have another baby.  He told me to wait until our small son was a year old.  If he made it to his first birthday, we'd schedule surgery.  During the week of #2's first birthday, we discovered that, despite our efforts, I was pregnant again.  We weren't quite as done as we thought we were.

As our lives went on, we declared ourselves to be "done" many times.  Each time we thought our family to be complete and perfect, and each time we were wrong.  5 children later, we no longer make that statement.  We've learned that "done" isn't up to us.  "Finished" is a God thing, and He's so much smarter than we are.

This past Sunday as I stood in the pew with our family, I looked at that long line of children, and I choked up a bit.  I glanced at the profile of our eldest son.  I realized again how tall he is getting and how close he is to being grown.  Six years from now, he will be headed off to college and no longer a child.  I welled up with tears at the thought of the reality of being done 12 years ago and what our lives would be like without the 5 youngest children, how quiet our home would be now, and how painfully silent it would be in just a few years' time.

I will be 43 when he's 18.  43.  If I'm blessed with the life-span of the women in my family, that will mean another 50 years after he's gone.  50 years in a house with no children.  I can't even imagine it.

My neighbors talk about all of the things they will do and all the personal dreams they will fulfill once they reach their child-free years, and I will admit to envying them those plans at times. I know for certain, however,  that I wouldn't trade the sound of giggling children or the cacophony of children's voices or even the clutter of all of their toys for all the freedom which my peers will soon enjoy.

If we had followed the wisdom of this age, we would be a short 6 years away from freedom, peace, and quiet.  6 years from our lives once again belonging only to us.  6 years from a quiet and orderly existence.   I'm so glad it's no longer a place I want to be.

While I may daydream and play with the "what-ifs" in my mind, my mental meanderings are interrupted by the voices of my life's work, my magnum opus.  Soon enough, the day will come when my babies are all grown and gone from my home, and the Computer Guy and I will look at each other in stunned disbelief at the silence and order in our home.  We will breathe a contented sigh and then do the only sensible thing...

fill our house with grandchildren.  Please God, may there be many.

Saving Money

Because when I find a way to save a bit, I pass it on to you.  It's tough out there.  We should help each other out.

Two saving tips today:

• The Computer Guy and I have begun using only store gift cards to purchase gas.  Most gas stations will discount your gas $.03- $.10 a gallon if you use their gift cards.  We can reload them on line from home.  My favorite part is that when we budget for gas, we just put that straight on the cards.  That way it doesn't get spent on something else and we don't get caught short a few days before pay day.  Saving 10% every time we fill up with gas is definitely worth it!
• Did you know you can save 5% on every purchase at Target just for paying from your checking account?  I don't know why they don't tell more people about this, but it's a sweet deal.  It's so easy.  The credit card companies charge Target 6% of the purchase price every time you use a credit/debit card.  That's a lot of money.  Take in your checkbook to any checkout or the customer service desk and let them create a Target check card for you.  It works like an electronic check and charges your checking account...because they don't have to pay Visa 6% they will thank you with a 5% discount.  Awesome!

That's it for today.  I'll let you know when I find some more!

Love and Laughter

She's not yet old enough to smile on purpose.  It will be weeks before she can laugh because something is funny.  Our little #7 is still too young to do any of these things with meaning.  So how is it that she does them all the time?

When she's awake, the baby looks around at the world with a serious frown as she attempts to figure it all out.  But when she sleeps, she grins.  Her tiny face beams with happiness.  We thought it was just a baby thing until she started laughing.

Her eyes have barely closed before she starts to smile.  It's not long after that the giggling begins.  She giggles, chuckles, and once laughed until she snorted herself awake.  All it takes to bring on the happiness is for her to be curled up and sleeping in the arms of someone who loves her.  She never laughs when she's in bed or napping in her car seat, which is fine because she rarely has the opportunity to sleep in either of those places. 
As long as someone in the house is awake, the baby is being held.

Our grandmothers used to warn us about spoiling babies.  They told us that a held baby won't sleep in her bed and that we would never sleep.  What they didn't tell us was the effect it would have on her.  She glows with the love of her siblings.  She overflows with the joy of being loved.  At 3 weeks old, she is so filled with contentment, peace and love that she laughs in her sleep.  The joy has become an involuntary reflex; it's just a part of her.  It has become her natural state of being.  Joy.


It is the new yard stick by which I measure my children's lives.  Are they so well loved that it bubbles up out of them?  When the cares of the day fade away and they relax into sleep, is laughter what they are left with?  Because that's what love is.....love is happiness; it is joy.  When all the rest falls away, let them be left with love and let them be left with joy.  I hope they laugh.

Penitence and Ordinary Time

The Catholic world is filled right now with a determination to make this Advent a meaningful season.  The faithful are rediscovering that Advent was originally a penitential season second only to Lent.  They are renewing the traditions of Ember Days and fasting during this season as they seek to make themselves ready for the arrival of the Christ Child.  The "Spirit of Vatican II" generation is seeking to regain what has been lost in the last 40 years in terms of focus and tradition and they are eagerly embracing self-denial and somberness as a contrast for the celebration of Christmas which is coming.

It is a shame that we do not embrace the feast days with the same fervor.

The modern faithful are good at self-denial.  We excel at penitence.  We eagerly embrace the hardships of Lent, and now Advent, and use these times to draw ourselves ever closer to God, but we forget the rest of it.  We forget the joy.  We pass too quickly over the reward.

Our lives are enriched by Advent wreaths, Jesse trees, and praying the O Antiphons; but when was the last time we celebrated the Presentation in the Temple, or threw a party to celebrate Epiphany? Do we celebrate them, or have then just faded into being a part of January?

Where once Christmas was a celebration stretching from December 25th to the Feast of Epiphany on January 6th and then on to the Baptism of Our Lord in February, modern Catholics can barely bring ourselves to spend more than a day in the Christmas season before the tree is down, the decorations are boxed up, and exhausted parents everywhere declare that we are "glad that that is over."  Christmas Day itself expends its energy in an orgy of present unwrapping long before lunchtime, then it becomes about work, travel and trying to cram in seeing as many people as possible before the 2 year old melts down into a fit at Grandma's house.

Come Monday morning, we will either be back in the stores hunting for bargains or back in the office at work and Ordinary Time will have descended upon us once more.  No wonder we are exhausted.  We have created our faith lives to mirror the way we live.  It is all rush and busyness without a moment set aside to just bask in the overflowing joy of Christmas.

Our liturgical calendar is broken up into feast days, penitential seasons, and ordinary time.  Why do we so eagerly ignore one third of the calendar?  Why are we so fervent in the things which discipline our spirits and deny ourselves, and yet we are so dispassionate about the days which God has given us for our souls to soar?

Why are we afraid of merriment and revelry?  They, too, are part of God's plan.

This year, why not change things?  Embrace the trials of Advent.  Push yourself as far as prayer and self-denial, but when it is over, be sure to treasure the Christmas season as well.  Find the joy.  Lift your voice in song and praise.  Remember that this time of year is a gift and treat it that way, and don't allow yourself to slip back into the everyday drudge of ordinary time before you actually get there.

Unconditional

My in laws are in town visiting us for the next few days.  They are in the process of moving to Kentucky on what they laughingly call "our new great adventure."  It is an unexpectedly daring move for people who aren't known for their unpredictability.

I watch their laughing excitement over the changes they are facing.  I hear them speak in excited tones about the houses they're considering, and the kinds of furniture they might get to put in those rooms.  It's like getting a glimpse of who they were 40 years ago when they were just starting out together.  What a joy it has been for me today to hear them sound like young kids just starting out on something grand.

I will admit though to a bit of sadness that they are moving so far away from us and not a little bit closer.  I want for my children to know what it is to have adoring grandparents as a constant fixture in their lives instead of as occasional guests.

My children bloom under the adoring gaze of grandparents for whom too much will never be enough.

My father-in-law patiently reads long and complicated bedtime stories which I never have the patience or the energy to make it all the way though, and he stops to explain the complicated bits and make sure everyone keeps up with the action.  My mother in law holds the baby all day, relinquishing her only long enough for me to nurse, and then eagerly taking her back into grandma's arms.  Even the distasteful parts of parenting, like diaper changes, aren't treated like a burden but a privilege.

How I wish that they lived on the next street so that I could learn from their example of how to love a child.  I want to know how to slow down the day, set aside the chores, and just drink in the nearness of these little people.  I want to learn how to look at the drudgery of my life as a mom of 7 and see the blessings which they find hidden in the work.  Sometimes all that it takes is watching the example of someone else to show us the truth of what we have.  I wish they were closer so that I could see their example all the time.

I want for my babies to have the blessing of unconditional love and acceptance as a fixture in their world.  Where parents have to correct and discipline, grandparents have only to love and enjoy.  They get to teach by much gentler means, and I think we are poorer for not having that gentle touch around us all the time.

So, I wish them well on their great adventure.  I know they will enjoy traveling and exploring together (and I really do hope that my mother in law buys that yellow Corvette she dreams of driving), but I hope that they don't find what they are looking for in the mountains of Kentucky.  I hope they come to realize that all the excitement they could wish to know is right here in a Dallas suburb and just wishing to drop in for a visit, a chocolate chip cookie, and an outpouring of secrets and dreams the way only grandparents get to hear them.