I must confess that I am a bit of a hypochondriac where my children are concerned. Their health is my responsibility. They could live or die on the decisions I make for their care. It makes me a little nuts. There's not a spot that they get that isn't the chicken pox (We're all going to die!) or a croupy cough that isn't pneumonia (We're all going to die!). I freak out in the beginning...always...and then gather my wits and figure out what's really going on with them (heat rash or allergies usually). Then life goes back to normal and I calm down until the next spot appears (Measles! We're all going to die! I don't care that they were vaccinated!)
That's where I find myself with #4's knee. I freaked out and took her to the ER. She had an appointment with an orthopedist the next day, but the joint was hot. I freaked out and took her to the hospital. Somewhere in the back of my mind was a calm voice telling me that this was just my normal parenting style which usually turns out to be nothing serious and that life would go on as normal. I waited for someone to find a bug bite or evidence of an injury, but they didn't.
We got a referral to a pediatric rheumatologist, but can't get in until March 4th. Part of me was outraged that she would have to wait so long in pain with her swollen knee. The rest of me was calm. It would go down. We'd never actually need the appointment. It would turn out to be an injury of some kind or a weird allergic reaction to air.
That hasn't happened yet.
My husband and our sweet Oma keep telling me that they think it looks better. I want to be reassured, but it looks the same to me. It feels the same to her, but they are so certain. Am I paranoid or is it like the emperor's clothes? Are they seeing what they want to see? How can it not be better?
We're rapidly approaching the time when all hope of an injury or freak bug bite will be past. We're getting to the point where an injury would be healing. I asked a friend of mine, one of those great friends who just tells the truth even when it's ugly to hear, if it looked better to her. She gave me an emphatic "No."
Damn.
Two weeks until the rheumatologist. Please let me be paranoid. Please let me be a freaked out hypochondriac. Please?
9 comments:
I'm so sorry! I also hope you're a paranoid freak lunatic overprotective doting alarmist crazy mama-bear hypochondriac because that would make much more sense.
I'm praying for her! I am the same way, and would be having these same thoughts. I really hope your husband and Oma are right. But if not, I hope the path to recovery is as easy and low-anxiety as possible for all of you.
Id freak too! ;( Keep on freaking! ;0
continuing to send prayers...
I was like this as a mother of young kids, too. Sometimes I was right and there was something wrong and sometimes I was looking for drama. Those two felt the same to me which didn't help any.
My adult kids, the boys, especially, still like to try and get me riled up when they have a headache. They pull up their shirts to tell me they have a rash and oh, their neck is sore, too. I usually want to throw something at them because they are mocking my paranoia from when they were little. DH, me and our youngest all had meningitis when the youngest was 10 months old and it was the worst headache I've ever had.
I pray all turns out well with your daughter.
Well, there's always sitting in pool water/bathwater. Might help to get some of the weight off the knee by floating around.
Or you could try massaging the nerve and muscle bits that are connected to the knee, just so they get a little relief. The knee is connected to bits that go all the way up to the hip, so there's a lot to keep busy massaging. I know that when my knee hurt from wearing unevenly worn-down shoes, poking those massage points helped a lot.
Heck, she could even try to trick her body into relaxing and unswelling by doing that visualization stuff. Can't hurt.
"Poking" equals "gentle pressure" for some and "tapping gently" for others, depending on what works best for what. You can tell I'm never going to be a massage teacher. :)
When we were in the same "it could be, but you have to wait for the specialist" phase with our son (NF 1) my husband gave me a card with this poem on it. Didn't take all the anxiety away, but it helped a bit. And that was nice.
"When you live in the past,
with its mistakes and regrets,
it is hard.
I am not there.
My name is not - I WAS.
When you live in the future,
with its problems and fears,
it is hard.
I am not there.
My name is not - I WILL BE.
When you live in this moment,
It is not hard.
I am here.
My name is I AM."
Helen Mallicoat
Prayers and ((hugs)),
Sharon
I have a similar personality.. praying you get to feel like a crazy over-the-top idiot. :) BUT... IF (if) it's something "more" - praying that the solution/diagnosis isn't nearly as bad as it feels right now. Waiting is the worst (ugh, why can't doctors be more available?). I've had friends who had terrible childhood issues (including one with major joint issues and auto-immune stuff) who grew up to be healthy and happy and fully participating in life. One day at a time.
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