We were going about it all wrong.
This Sunday at Mass, the priest said in his homily, "If you are fasting so that God will do something for you, you might as well be sacrificing bulls to Jupiter. You, my friend, are praying like a pagan."There is no quid pro quo. There is no magic formula. If I do "X" it doesn't mean that God will do "Y". Who exactly do I think is in charge here? Me? No way.
There are no deals with God. It doesn't work that way, and shame on us for trying to buy her good health. We have been praying like pagans. We need to begin again.
The purpose of fasting is not to win favors from God. It is to show God that we place nothing above Him in terms of importance, neither food nor physical comfort, not time or self-interest. It is an act of worship precisely because it requires us to give of ourselves. It calls us out of ourselves and away from our own selfishness. Fasting is, at its heart, an act of trust. We must trust God to provide for us that which we are not providing for ourselves. It is a gift of love, trust and humility.
So, too, prayer should not be simply a means of begging. How tired I get of my children who follow me during the day constantly begging me to let them do as the wish or have whatever they want. If I get so tired of the steady stream of nagging, how much more tiresome it must be for God. After all, I have a history of forgetting things my own children ask about (like time on the computer or an extra cookie.) God, however, has never forgotten me. Why do I feel the need to constantly remind Him of the things that I need?
I have only to look at the examples within my own home. It is not the nagging child who pleases me, but the one who shows his love for me by doing what I have asked of him. Yet here I am, child of God, haranguing my Father for the things I have already requested a thousand times.
God is a parent who doesn't make deals. There is no trade off of novenas or fasting in exchange for boons. (I get it. It's the way which we parent in our own home.) I need to stop bartering for blessings. I must stop praying like a pagan and only remember that I am His beloved daughter, and that He is all goodness and mercy. I need only to trust in Him, tell Him of my needs and then get back to the business of being obedient. He will give to me all that we need in His time.
Whether she recovers or not is in His hands. No deals. No bargaining. Just trust.
P.S. It's not the asking, it's the "I'll do this so...." and the "I'll do this if..." Just making sure I'm clear.
16 comments:
Wow. Great insight. Thanks for sharing....
That's not to say you shouldn't ask, right?
Wonderfully, thought provoking post.
Maurisa - Absolutely you should ask, but then let God be in charge. His point this weekend was to offer prayers that God's will be done, and to ask Him to be merciful but not to bargain.
It's the nagging and the bartering that are wrong. I knew that, but I needed the reminder.
Well, CRAP! I've been fasting from coffee for 9 months now , begging God to soften my son's heart and bring him back into the Church. You are, of course, right and I need to start again. I'll still fast (except Feast Days!!!) but will definitely temper it with "Thy Will Be Done". At least I have the consolation that God want him back more than I do.
Terri,
That's the same CRAP moment I had in Mass this weekend. Of course Father was right. I'll add in "Terri's boy" to my list of prayers.
The hard thing is now that I see where I was wrong I'm having to figure out again how to pray. The best I can figure is to not be annoying like children can be. I will not be whiny. I will not be whiny. etc.
You're right, God wants your son back more than you do. Hide yourself in the Heart of Christ and let Him do the work!
Don't feel too bad. Jesus was totally in favor of the widow pestering the crooked judge, and advised praying with that kind of persistence. And He did say to tell Him your needs. The Lord hears the cry of the poor, and that's your family right now in regards to leg health.
Of course, being detached and loving God only is _better_ and more beautiful. It's less likely to set yourself up for disappointment, because it's an attitude of accepting whatever adventure He sends.
But don't second-guess yourself so much that you don't pray. Whether or not you're sure your intentions are pure, pray anyway.
(It sounds like your head is on straight, but I'm the kind of person who needs to remind myself of such things. So I worry.)
The more I think about this (long night) the more I think the priest was over simplifying it.
#1. We are reducing God to our level if we think we are annoying Him with our requests.
#2. Look at St Monica who beg, cried, pleaded and prayed daily for YEARS to save her son, St Augustine.
In Medjugorje, Mary tells us to always ask God for what we need. We should of course always include "if it be Your will", but we still ask and pray daily.
Prayer and fasting are good, not annoying.
Terri,
If that's the way you read it, then I wrote it wrong and I apologize.
Let's see of I can clarify.
It isn't the fasting and praying which are wrong it is the fasting as a bargaining tool. "I'll fast for all of Lent and God will then get me into medical school", "I'll pray a novena and then God will heal my daughter." "I'll fast and pray so that God will ......fill in the blank."
That's what I was doing. I was piling on fastings and devotions as an exchange. "Look how holy I am. He has to do it now!" instead of saying "Let me fast and pray and be obedient to the will of God." Is that more clear?
When all of my prayers become requests and never become praise or thanks giving, when all I do is repeat the same request ad nauseum (which I've been doing), then all I'm doing is nagging God. He may not be annoyed (He's God and perfect) but I need to move on anyway.
Fasting should be about devotion and obedience, not a negotiation or a payment. Prayer should be more than a whine. Is that more clear?
I apologize for any confusion I've caused you. It was never my intention. I was just thinking it through on paper. My mind works better that way.
Thanks for clarifying...my bad.
Don't take this post down! I totally think you are on your way to a far deeper process of prayer. Keep going!!
Your kid is not in sin and suffering, your little seven year is doing the holy innocent suffering of Christ on the cross. And your Mary watching her.
It's painful to watch and to realize that there is a chance of permenant bone damage.
God doesn't want people out if the Catholic church because of their own sinful choice. Fasting is good for converting hearts.
You are in a different place. Your praying to see and trust in God's love even when the facts in front of you seem black. Its a holy place to be. Your Easter Sunday is going to come- for you AND your sweet daughter.
Don't give up and don't be discouraged that other people might not understand. This is an individual walk withChrist and you are doing so great!!!
Hugs from a Carmelite
Abigail, Your timing is impeccable. I was just coming here to revert it to draft and perhaps rewrite it. Thanks for the words of encouragement.
I know you don't know me at all and I've never commented, but I read your blog regularly and this post was incredibly meaningful to me. I second Abigail. Thanks for your honesty and transparency.
Okay, my conscience just got a big ZAP! Glad I came over here to read . . . I needed this like a shot in the arm. Seriously.
Yeah! I live for giving encouragement!!
Remember it's not even what you writing on this blog that matters, it is what you are praying in your heart.
So keep going!!!
You are going to get comfort. You are going to get medical answers and treatment for your sweet girl. Your heart will receive supernatural peace. Just keep going down this same prayer road until you get there.
Many hugs and prayers from your personal Carmelite cheerleader!
Forgive all my grammatical blunders. Still getting used to the annonying autocorrect on my new kindle!
This is a really great piece that makes me reflect and think about my prayer life. Great insight. Rebecca, you are a talented writer.
Go Cornhuskers, better than the Sooners
Tim Alexander
Omaha
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