I got an email last week which included the question:
How do we break it to
Grandma that we’re not sending the kids to school? She keeps talking to our daughter about starting school, and that's not going to be happening. I don't want to upset my mom, but I know she's not going to be happy about this.
If you are fortunate enough to be part of a family where
your parents’ support is important to you, there are a few things you can do to
help them adjust to the idea:
- · Find out what their real objection is. Are they worried the kids will be freaks? Are they concerned that they won’t get into college? Do you have a history of being a flake and they’re worried you’re going to drop the ball? Directly address those concerns.
- · Were you sold on the idea from the very beginning? Tell your parents why. If not, tell them what finally convinced you. Share your sources.
- · Can you take them places where homeschooling families are? Is there a scheduled outing of a group near where you are? Send an email ahead of time asking for one of the veterans to “hang out” with your family. I’ve “casually” chatted up quite a few grandparents on field trips at the zoo. I’m always happy to help and so are most other veterans.
- · Involve your parents in the planning, if they live close enough to help. My children’s Oma (German for grandmother) was a fast convert when we asked her to teach our children to speak German. It’s hard to fight against something you’re a part of, so get them on the inside of it.
- · Show your parents how normal life is going to be for their grandbabies. Take a moment to remember that their objections are coming from a place of love for your children. Your parents love your children so much that they worry about their futures. Do you know what a blessing that is? Do you really?
- · Pray for them. There is no heart so hardened that God cannot soften it. If they just can’t seem to get where you are coming from on this, let it be for a while and give God a chance to work on them.
·
Just for a moment, ask yourself…could they be right? Entertain that thought for a second
especially if their objection is a character flaw of yours (like laziness or
poor follow through.) Is it possible
that you need to do a bit of work on yourself before you start teaching your
children? Is it work you are willing to
do? There is none of us so perfect that we can't use a bit of tweaking. Take the honest criticism and use it to make yourself stronger, take the not-honest-just-mean kind and ignore it. That stuff doesn't deserve your time or energy.
The bottom line of it all is that these are your children, and the decisions about their education are completely the responsibility of you, their parents, and no one else. Listen to the thoughts and ideas of the people who love your family, pray about it, and then realize that ultimately it is all up to you.
6 comments:
Thank you for saying "listen to the thoughts and ideas of the people who love your family...".
*wry* Got a nice way of telling the kindest person you've ever met "Well, I think your mom was strange because she just was, not because she was halfway home-schooled. A lot of the things you point out about her are true with me, too, and I went to public school. No, it's not because you guys didn't force me to be more social."
Thing is that I know that if they do think it's a personal flaw with me, they won't say anything.
We've got a couple of years, but I really don't want to put my kids in the local schools.
I love this post. These insights helped me a lot when I was doing this very thing.... thank you!
I'm a fan of "not breaking the news." Homeschooling is really hard in the beginning. It's especially hard for us daughters who don't have an encouraging Mom ourselves, or even a neutral Mom who says something like "well honey, I chose public school and you turned out just fine--but I believe you can do anything you put your mind too. If God put this desire in your heart, then I trust you and support you 100%!"
If your Mom has "trouble" with homeschooling please figure out if it's a"her problem" or "your problem" situation. If its "her problem." Maybe she teaches in the public school herself (like mine) or maybe she really doesn't think you should be pregnant with another baby, so homeschooling means the school age kid will be neglected-- be discerning. You're an adult. You don't have to share every educational plan with her and seek her approval.
Now, as Rebecca said, if your Mom loves you unabashedly and is gently pointing out that you have a "your issue" problem with homeschooling. Do a little self refection. Don't get discouraged. A lack of patience or a lack of organization--can be remedied! Pretty quickly! Maybe you need your husband to pitch in to keep grades or compile a portfolio. Maybe you need to schedule some "Mom afternoons out" at the local gym. (Or my new trick--Mama learns how to play the cello to destress).
Discernment is key. Evaluate the source of the criticism. Is it coming from a place of love or a place of fear.
Protection. Homeschool is a delicate start. Nurture it with supportive people and supportive prayer.
I never "broke it" to my parents. I just did it. The homeschooling movement has been around long enough to have proven most of the stereotypes wrong. My dad is a computer nut. He went on the internet and found all kinds of great stats on homeschoolers and their achievements and all kinds of sources for me. That really helped and put him on board with homeschooling. Now that I my oldest son graduated homeschooled high school and is now at a university, homeschooling is proven in my house as well.
My best advice for beginning homeschoolers: pick a program and stick to it. There are soooo many choices out there it can make your head spin. Pick one, go for it. If something doesn't work, like your math program, you can switch it our later. Pray a lot; make sure YOU are okay with it; then, as Nike used to say--just do it!
I've come back to add that when we decided to home school, my parents were all for it. They may have even been the ones to suggest it.
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